Fatwa #994827 October 2003United Kingdom
I am in love with a pious Muslim girl in my area, and wish to propose to her, but I don’t know how to.
Question
Salaam. I am a student at the moment and don?t have a job, though I will be getting a part-time job soon, Inshallah. I wish to propose to her soon after, but don?t not know which way to do so. I don?t want to ask someone to ask her for me, as I would not want anyone else to know if she said no, but I don?t know how and what I should do, if it is at all aloud in Islam, for me to ask her directly. I have spent abit of time crying and making Dua to Allah in the last 2 months that I?ve been in love with her. Can you please advice me on what I should do in the meantime, and what actions I should take in proposing to her. I have been depressed since falling in love with her, because of not knowing how to propose to her when the time is right, and thinking what if she says no, as I would not no how to react to that, it would certainly shatter my heart if that were the case. Can you please advice me, and make Dua for me.
Answer
Jazakallah for writing to the institute regarding your plans for the future.%0D%0ABrother, seeing that you have decided that a certain lady is the person you%0D%0Awould like to marry, ask a senior person in your family or your parents to%0D%0Aapproach her parents with a proposal. My hope is that you have chosen her%0D%0Afor her piety and not for any other worldly reason. As she is not your%0D%0Amahram, it is not acceptable for you to talk to her nor approach her%0D%0Adirectly. You say you are deeply in love with her. You have to however%0D%0Aremember that dating and being alone with her is not allowed in Islam as%0D%0Aintermingling with non-mahram women is haraam.%0D%0A%0D%0AIf Allah Ta'ala has willed her for you as your wife she will be so. You%0D%0Amention that you will be heart broken if you cannot marry her. Allah Ta'ala%0D%0Aknows what is best for you and it appears that you are a young person. Put%0D%0Ayour faith and hope in your Creator and not in fellow human beings. We are%0D%0Amortal, fallible and totally dependent on our Creator. If she doesn't accept%0D%0Ayour proposal and you do not get to marry her, make dua that Allah Ta'ala%0D%0Awill grant you better. There is no point in becoming morose and deflated%0D%0Aover a matter like this. If she rejects your proposal, you have time to find%0D%0Aemployment, develop your skills and then seek a suitable partner later.%0D%0AYou could also spend more time learning about deen and what your%0D%0Aresponsibilities are as a husband and how you should fulfill the rights of%0D%0Ayour wife, children and the rest of your family. There are so many positive%0D%0Athings you could do with your time as you prepare for your life as a married%0D%0Aman. The responsibilities of being a husband are great and insha'allah if%0D%0Ayou learn to approach this task with the sunnah alive in your heart, you%0D%0Awill be successful as a husband and father.%0D%0A%0D%0AMay Allah Ta'ala grant you the ability to accept His plans for you and may%0D%0AHe also grant you a pious wife. Ameen.%0D%0AAnd Allah Ta'ala knows best.%0D%0A%0D%0ASister Fadila%0D%0ASocial Department%0D%0A%0D%0ACHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai