Fatwa #871224 May 2003South Africa
I have met a pious girl. My parents refuse to bless this union, for she is not of the same caste. Both istikhara have been positive. Is it necessary to obtain one's parents blessings in this case?
Question
About 7 months ago, I met a girl at campus and we became friendly. After a short while, we realised that us communicating in any way was wrong, so we stopped. However despite our best efforts, we could not avoid contact, so I told my parents, who had previously promised me that should I find a pious girl, no matter the caste, I should tell them of my interest in marriage, and they would accept. Due to this I assured the girl that her being from a different caste was no problem. However, when I approached my parents, they refused to give their blessings to the marriage as she is not of same caste. They even acknowledge that they have gone back on their promise, saying she wont feel at home in our family. We have both received positive isthikara signs, but as we want my parents blessings we are confused as to what to do. We have stopped contact but I still feel the same towards her. Are my parents attitude justified? And if not, how does one remedy this situation as best according to sharia as possible? Shukrun
Answer
At the outset, we wish to point out that a pious girl will not become friendly with a Ghayr Mahram (not prohibited in marriage) boy before marriage as that is a major sin. It is, however, encouraging and a sign of one?s Imaam to feel guilty of one?s sin and remedy that.%0D%0A%0D%0AIn principle, according to the Hanafi Madhab, every adult male and female has a Shar?ee right to choose his or her marriage partner. The individual does not require the consent of his or her parents for the validity of the marriage. However, from a practical point of view, the association in a marriage is not confined to the husband and wife. It extends beyond that to the immediate family members, parents, brothers and sisters. If the immediate family members of any one partner disapproves of the marriage and cannot exercise restraint, that attitude will create a serious problem in the actual marriage, thus, defeating the very purpose of the marriage being love, peace and harmony.%0D%0A%0D%0AIn view of the practical issue, we advise you discuss the matter with your parents again or with a person having influence in your family to ascertain the possible outcome of you continuing with your plans to marry the girl. If you strongly suspect trouble, then the obvious thing to do is abandon your intention to marry that girl.%0D%0A%0D%0Aand Allah Ta'ala Knows Best%0D%0A%0D%0AMufti Ebrahim Desai