Fatwa #1450831 August 2006India
I would like to know if it is acceptable in Islam if the elders always use harsh comments in a threatening manner towards children to get any work done.
Question
I would like to know if it is acceptable in Islam if the elders always use harsh comments in a threatening manner towards children to get any work done.
what kind of effect such a treatment will have in the development of a child? What kind of treatment will be instead helpful in the development of a child? Is it unacceptable in Islam that under any circumstances an educated, matured younger person preaches the elders that there is something wrong in their behaviour and request amendments?
Is is acceptable that elders command to children that they have to bear their harsh comments because they are providers? How to deal with and what measures to be adopted when the elders say that they would never change their attitude even if its effecting adversely?(effects include education, health, performance of child and frequent quarrels). How to handle a 7 year old kid so that he may not psychologically get affected by such a behaviour of elders(though such a threatening behaviour has already done significant damage to the other elder children about 20 years old, who are still afraid of even telling what hurts them).
To be noted is that everyone of us reads Quran regularly and claim to be good people.
Kindly answer each of my questions and enlighten us with Islamic rulings.
Answer
Jazakallah for writing to the institute. The questions you have posed have great relevance as to how children learn to conduct themselves when they grow up. Adults are the roles models of children.
The home is the children's first school and the parents are their first teachers. Children come into this world pure and with empty slates. The what, how and when the parents write on the growing child's slate is what the child will live with for the rest of his / her life. Children do not belong to their parents. They are an amaanat which Allah Ta'ala has entrusted into the parents care. Just as parents have rights over their children, have rights over their parents.
How can children's rights be fulfilled by parents? By teaching the children with love, compassion, understanding, guidance, kindness, firm but gentle discipline and most importantly, with respect.
Let us turn to the Hadith for examples of how children were treated by Allah Ta'ala's most excellent Creation. Nabi (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) was sent to this world as an example for every facet of our lives. Let us look at his love for children and how he treated them.
Anas (Radhiyallahu anhu) was given into the care of our beloved Nabi (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) at the tender age of 8. The former is reported to have declared that whenever Nabi (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) returned from a journey, he would pick up the children and put them onto his camel.
Usama in Zaid (R.A.) narrated that "Nabi (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) put me on one of his things and Hasan bin Ali (R.A.) on the other thigh and said, "Oh Allah, please be merciful to them as I am merciful to them"
Ayesha (R.A.) narrated that once a Bedouin observed Nabi(sallallaahu alayhi
wassallam) kiss a little boy. The Bedouin remarked that, "You people kiss the boys, we dont kiss them" Nabi (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) is said to have responded thus, " I cannot put mercy in your heart after Allah has taken it away."
Another interesting but very relevant example we should take note of is that the etiquette at meal times is to pass food and water to the one who is sitting on your right hand side. Whilst they were partaking of a meal, Nabi (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) asked the young child on his right if he could pass water to the adult Sahaba sitting on his left. This child declined and asked to be served by his beloved Nabi (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) declaring that, "I would not give preference of that which might come to me from you".
and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best
Sister Fadila
SOCIAL DEPT.
CHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai