What is the best way to make our children obedient to Allah (S.W.T.), our Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.S.), and the parents?

Kindly refer to Upbringing of Children by Moulana Moosa Olgar%0D%0A%0D%0APARENTS AND THEIR ROLE IN THE UPBRINGING OF CHILDREN%0D%0A%0D%0ARasulullah (Sallallaahu Alayhi Wasallam) said: "All of you are guardians and%0D%0Aare responsible for your subjects. The ruler is a guardian of his subjects%0D%0Aand the man is a guardian of his family, the lady is a guardian of her%0D%0Ahusband's house and his off-spring and all of you are guardians and are%0D%0Aresponsible for your subjects'.%0D%0A%0D%0AAfter having children the first and foremost desire of parents is to prepare%0D%0Athem for a bright and successful future. Thus every parent hopes and wishes%0D%0Athat their children be pious with excellent character but this can only be%0D%0Aachieved if the correct method towards this goal is adopted and the right%0D%0Aenvironment created from the very beginning. It is very important to note%0D%0Athat the spiritual upbringing is far more important than the physical%0D%0Aupbringing.%0D%0A%0D%0AAlthough the environment prior to the child's birth is very important, so%0D%0Atoo is the environment into which the child is born, as the actual%0D%0Aupbringing starts in the mother's lap which is the first MADRASAH for the%0D%0Achild.%0D%0A%0D%0AAlthough the father plays an important role in educating the child, the%0D%0Amother plays a more important and greater role in this process. Rather it%0D%0Acan rightly be said that the mother contributes the greater share and plays%0D%0Athe best role in the early training and education of her children. Moreover%0D%0Athe mother is more loving, kind and patient than the father, she is nearer%0D%0Ato the children and they are more free and attached to her. This makes the%0D%0Amother more capable of educating and training her children in the most%0D%0Aproper way.%0D%0A%0D%0AThe meaning of this is: Every child is born pure. It is the environment%0D%0Acreated by his parents that determines his future. It is absolutely%0D%0Anecessary to understand that before you expect your child to learn the ways%0D%0Aof Islam, the parents have to be practising Muslims themselves. Parents%0D%0Ashould set a good example in front of their children. Therefore for the%0D%0Aparents to be practising Muslims is of utmost importance for the Islamic%0D%0Aupbringing of their children. Regarding parents, this poem is best suited:%0D%0A"The parent is like a mirror, the reflection it gives, the child adopts. If%0D%0Athe reflection is good, the child is good. If the reflection is bad, the%0D%0Achild is bad".%0D%0A%0D%0ARemember, the entire future of the child depends entirely on the parent's%0D%0Ateachings, training and environment in which the parent's bring up their%0D%0Achild. The home environment and the parent's upbringing of the child either%0D%0Amakes or mars the child's future. If the home environment is Islamic, then%0D%0Athe child will be religiously inclined, but if the home environment is%0D%0AunIslamic, then the child will develop irreligious traits and habits in%0D%0Ahimself. Because the child does not come from a solid Islamic home, he is%0D%0Aunaware of the gems and jewels of Islam due to lack of Islamic knowledge and%0D%0Aeducation. Copper, brass and gravel of other religions look dazzling and%0D%0Abeautiful in his eyes.If the child hears music and watches television, then%0D%0Ahe will want to imitate the singers and the T.V. stars. On the other hand,%0D%0Aif the words of Allah Taa'la (i.e the Quraan) keeps falling in his ears and%0D%0Athe lives of Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) and the Sahaaba%0D%0A(radiyallahu anhum) are related to him, then he will develop good qualities%0D%0Aand try to imitate Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) and the Sahaaba%0D%0A(radiyallahu anhum). Remember, if the home environment is not Islamic, how%0D%0Ado we expect the child to become a fine and respectable Muslim servant of%0D%0AAllah?%0D%0A%0D%0AIf religious education and training are given from childhood, the child on%0D%0Agrowing up will definitely understand the rights of the parents and elders%0D%0Aand will respect them. If the child has been deprived of religious education%0D%0Aand training by careless and neglectful parents, he will not discharge the%0D%0Arights that he has to towards his parents%5EMany parents complain that their%0D%0Achildren are ill-mannered, disobedient and disrespectful. The cause of their%0D%0Adisobedience is only the fault of the parents, as they, on account of their%0D%0Agreed for worldly things and love for money, kept their children blank in%0D%0Areligious education. To earn their livelihood and to fill their bellies,%0D%0Aparents are keeping their children aloof from religious education, and%0D%0Ainstead involve them in profane education and worldly pursuits, thus making%0D%0Athem irreligious. There is none to educate these innocent children and to%0D%0Atrain and inculcate Islamic morals into them. How will the fear of Allah be%0D%0Ainstilled into their minds? Since attaining the age of sensitivity, the love%0D%0Aof money, beautiful clothes and houses, fast cars etc. has entered his heart%0D%0Aand he now remains occupied day and night with the thought of these things%0D%0Aonly and keeps trying to acquire them. He cares not if in acquiring these%0D%0Athings, he may be depriving or destroying the rights of others.(In his greed%0D%0Aof acquiring worldly goods, high medical, legal and engineering degrees, he%0D%0Ais ready to waste the invaluable wealth of IMAAN. Such men can cause ruin to%0D%0Athe community and in creating a struggle for power, are in fact proving to%0D%0Abe the disintegrators of institutions. What now can the religion and%0D%0Acommunity expect from this kind of upbringing?-! How can the parents then%0D%0Asay that the youth "the fresh blood" do not obey the parents, do not help%0D%0Athe weak, the widows and the orphans, and do not take interest in works%0D%0Aconcerning the masaajid and madaaris? The parents themselves have not taught%0D%0Athem to do these acts. The young people are even ignorant of the reward for%0D%0Aobeying their parents and of the punishment for disobeying them. How many%0D%0AAhaadith do they know? And how many Ahaadith have they been asked to%0D%0Amemorise? Not a single answer will be received to any of these questions.%0D%0AThen what else can you expect from such ignorant youth?%0D%0A%0D%0ANowadays parents say: O' look at my son, he shows no respect to his parents%0D%0Aor they say: look at what my daughter has done, she has no DEEN in her. But%0D%0Aalas! do they ever ask themselves why? Why has my child no DEEN in him? The%0D%0Aparents eventually refuse to take the blame for their son's or daughter's%0D%0Aevil actions. But, ponder, whose fault is this? This fault is none other%0D%0Athan the parents themselves. To them it is definitely not their fault, as%0D%0Athey brought their child up, nurtured him, gave the best food, the best%0D%0Aclothes, took him wherever he wanted gave him plenty of money, and did%0D%0Awhatever he wanted, as he was their special child. But the main and%0D%0Aessential thing the parent forgot or rather did not feel it necessary to%0D%0Agive the child was religious education and tarbiyat. Now as the child grows%0D%0Aup, his greed for worldly material things has blinded his sense of morals.%0D%0AOh yes! you wonder what morals? That's right, the child has no Islamic%0D%0Amorals or education whatsoever. So now, how can you expect morals and good%0D%0Ahabits from him, if you did not inculcate it into him. The child now feels%0D%0Athat there is nothing wrong in disobeying his parents. He now adopts the%0D%0Awestern ways which are prevalent today and which has no place for parents as%0D%0AIslam does.%0D%0A%0D%0AAmongst westerners when their parents reach old age they no longer care for%0D%0Athem. Instead in a cruel way, they place them in old age homes. The very%0D%0Asame parents who brought them up, fed them, clothed them, gave them%0D%0Aeverything, the same mother who gave birth to him, nurtured him, spent%0D%0Asleepless nights, and now all of a sudden they are considered too much of a%0D%0Aburden to be cared for. This my dear reader, is the western attitude and if%0D%0Ayou as a parent fail to impart deeni education and training to your%0D%0Achildren, then they will definitely receive education and influences of a%0D%0Adifferent standard. A way of the westerners! and due to your negligence you%0D%0Amay also be thrown out by your own very special child. The difference%0D%0Abetween Muslims and non-Muslims is that Muslims impart religious education%0D%0Aand training to their children, thus making them successful in both the%0D%0Aworldly life and the life of the hereafter. So remember parent's, it is YOU%0D%0Awho make a big difference ! It is your teachings and tarbiyat which will%0D%0Amould your child into a respectable Islamic conscious person. But Alas! the%0D%0Aparent, harpe upon their own rights and grumble against the children.%0D%0ALikewise, think of the basic cause whereby the children became disobedient.%0D%0ANo doubt the parents have a right to claim the fulfilment of their rights%0D%0Afrom their children. But since the parents are unaware of the children's%0D%0Arights and their rightful demand, they do not discharge their own%0D%0Aresponsibility and as a consequence the children become disobedient. It was%0D%0Athe parent's primary duty to give religious education and training to the%0D%0Achildren, but instead of that they made them become involved in worldly%0D%0Apursuits.%0D%0A%0D%0AHowever by paying attention to the crucial necessity of giving religious%0D%0Aeducation during childhood, an effort should be made to create an emotion%0D%0Aand fervour for IMAAN in the hearts of the children. (The imparting of%0D%0Areligious education will make them conscious of Allah's rights, the rights%0D%0Aof elders, widows, orphans and parents, whereby they will consider the%0D%0Adischarging of these rights as an act of reward and the cause of success and%0D%0Aprosperity in the world and religion.%0D%0A%0D%0ABut if children are kept away from religious education, then what we are%0D%0Aobserving today is definitely going to happen. Parents and elders who do not%0D%0Adischarge the children's rights and miss the opportunity of acquitting%0D%0Athemselves of their responsibility, will not find the children fulfilling%0D%0Atheir parent's rights when they grow up. Such children rather than being%0D%0Auseful will prove to be harmful to the community.%0D%0A%0D%0AThe following two stories (anecdotes) refer to those parents who fail to%0D%0Aimpart deeni education and training to their children. Read them carefully%0D%0Aand take lesson from them!%0D%0A%0D%0AAbul Laith Samarqandi (R.A) has related that a man brought his son to Hazrat%0D%0AUmar (radiyallahu anhu) and said: "My son does not obey me, he! is%0D%0Adisobedient to me". Hearing this Hazrat Umar (radiyallahu anhu) said: j "O'%0D%0Aboy, don't you know what rights a father has on his son?" Thereafter he%0D%0Anarrated the rights of a father on his children. The boy said: "O' Commander%0D%0Aof the faithful! Do the children too have any rights on their; ; father?"%0D%0AHazrat Umar (radiyallahu anhu) said: "Yes! the children too have! i rights%0D%0Aon their father". "What are those rights"? asked the boy. Hazrat! %3C Umar%0D%0A(radiyallahu anhu) replied: "First of all, he should search for a good; ]%0D%0Amother for his son. He should marry with a virtuous, religious woman,! i and%0D%0Amust not marry any woman of questionable nature and doubtful! ] character.%0D%0AThe second right is that when he begets a child, he should name it with a%0D%0Agood name, and the third right of the child is that he should ' impart%0D%0Areligious knowledge to him and teach the Quraan". The boy said:i; "O'%0D%0ACommander of the faithful! my father has not discharged any of these! i%0D%0Arights. Firstly, the woman who is my mother is a negress, a slave woman! 1%0D%0Athat he has bought for 400 dirhams. She is a neophyte Muslim slave woman 11%0D%0Awho is quite ignorant of religious education, Islamic civil manners and''%0D%0Amorals. It is in her laps that I have passed my infancy. She has not givenj%0D%0Ai me any religious education. What should I do? Secondly, they have not%0D%0Anamed me with a good name. They have named me Jo'al meaning black, ugly man.%0D%0AI should have been given a good name which was my right, but my father did%0D%0Anot discharge his responsibility towards me. The third is the right of%0D%0Areligious education, which they did not give me at all. Now whatever%0D%0Adecision you give, I will accept it".%0D%0A%0D%0AJust ponder over it. A great man like Hazrat Umar (radiyallahu anhu) at[ the%0D%0Avery mention of whose name people shudder even today said: "O'; boy's%0D%0Afather, first of all, you have been neglectful regarding the boy's rights%0D%0Awhich you did not discharge and now you tell me that your son does not obey%0D%0Ayou. GET OUT! It is you who have disobeyed first".%0D%0A%0D%0APonder over Hazrat Umar's (radiyallahu anhu) decision. Just as we have given%0D%0Aup discharging the responsibility regarding our children, what is our%0D%0Acondition? Then we consider our children to be disobedient and unworthy.%0D%0AParents should remember that they became disobedient first. Children are a%0D%0Atrust, and this responsibility came upon the parents and they did not%0D%0Adischarge it, but instead they engaged their children in worldly things.%0D%0AHating knowledge and the assemblies of Ulema, parents have attached their%0D%0Achildren's hearts to the bazaar and the motor stand. How then can you expect%0D%0Ato reform the children? . So if parents remind their children during their%0D%0Achildhood itself about religious responsibility and make an effort to attach%0D%0Ahim to religion, then Insha-Allah, by such training, the children will%0D%0Abecome virtuous and pious. So if you want to live an honourable life in this%0D%0Aworld, engage your children in religious education.%0D%0A%0D%0AThe second anecdote is regarding a son beating his father. A man came to an%0D%0AAalim and said: "My son beats me and beats me very much". "What! the son%0D%0Abeats his father", exclaimed the Aalim. "Yes!" replied the man, he beats me%0D%0Aand beats me too much". The Aalim said: "Have you imparted to him deeni%0D%0Aeducation and have you taught him manners?" The man said: "No". The Aalim%0D%0Athen asked : "Have you taught him the Quraan?" When the man again said no,%0D%0Athe Aalim asked: "What does your son do?" The man replied: "He is a%0D%0Acultivator". The Aalim asked: "Do you know why your son beats you?" The man%0D%0Asaid that he did not know. The Aalim then said: "It seems to be that your%0D%0Ason must be going to the field sitting on a horse or a donkey, an ox must be%0D%0Ain front of him and a dog in his rear. The son has not read the Quraan and%0D%0Adoes not know what the Quraan is. You must have asked him at that time as he%0D%0Awas going to the field to read the Quraan and therefore he beat you. Thank%0D%0AAllah that your head did not break.%0D%0A%0D%0AYes! the reality here is that religious education was not given to his son%0D%0Ain his young days, with the result he is unaware of his father's rights.%0D%0AITis therefore the right of every child upon the parents that he be given a%0D%0Asound Islamic education and be taught good manners. This in turn will ensure%0D%0Athat they lead a proper Islamic life and be saved from hardships in this%0D%0Aworld, and more important in the hereafter.%0D%0A%0D%0AThe Quraan says:%0D%0A"O! You who believe, save yourself and your family from afire whose fuel is%0D%0Amen and stones". (Surah Tahreem)%0D%0AHazrat All (radiyallahu anhu) interprets this to mean that you must save%0D%0Ayour family by giving them good education and good manners. Therefore to%0D%0Amake children's lives successful according to standards set by Islam,%0D%0Aparents should devotedly train and educate them. Parents should carry out%0D%0Atheir duty with wisdom, affection, patience and steadfastness. By doing%0D%0Athis, their position will be exalted in the eyes of Allah, and their status%0D%0Awill be raised in society.%0D%0A%0D%0ARasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: If Everyone of you is a%0D%0Ashepherd and everyone of you will be answerable for his flock".%0D%0A%0D%0AThe mother in particular is responsible for the correct upbringing of the%0D%0Achild. It is stated in the Hadith about the mother: "and she is a%0D%0Ashepherdess over the house of her husband and of his children, and she is%0D%0Aanswerable".%0D%0A%0D%0ABasic Islamic education and good morals could only be taught am practised at%0D%0Ahome. Therefore the first MADRASAH for the child is the mother's lap. The%0D%0Amother contributes the greater share and plays the best role in the early%0D%0Atraining and education of her children.%0D%0A%0D%0ABy imparting Deeni knowledge to the children, parent's positions will be%0D%0Aexalted in the eyes of Allah, and their status will be raised in society,%0D%0ARasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: [%0D%0A"The best gift which a father can give to his children is that of their goos%0D%0Aeducation and manners ".%0D%0A%0D%0AIn another Hadith it is mentioned that Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi%0D%0Awasallam) said: "He who guides to good deeds is like the doer thereof and he%0D%0Awho leads to bad deeds is like the doer thereof.%0D%0A%0D%0AIf parents bring up their children Islamically, it will be regarded as%0D%0ASadaqa-e-Jariya. It simply means that if the parents impart deeni education%0D%0Ato their children and the children practise upon it, it would be a%0D%0Acontinuous reward for the parents after their death. On the contrary, if the%0D%0Aparent did not impart religious education, it will be regarded as%0D%0AAzaab-e-Jariya. Meaning that whatever evil the children do, the parents will%0D%0Aget continuous azaab (punishment) for it after their death.%0D%0A%0D%0AIf you impart deeni education to the children, on growing up they will act%0D%0Aupon religion and would become the source of religious education for others,%0D%0Athus the parents will be rewarded for all these things continuously in the%0D%0Ahereafter by Allah Taa'la for their efforts.%0D%0A%0D%0ARasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said:%0D%0A"When a per son dies, his deeds also come to an end. But there are three%0D%0Athings done by him for which he goes on getting the reward from Allah.%0D%0AFirst, is he who leaves some charitable trust for the benefit of the people.%0D%0ASecondly, he leaves behind some knowledge which is continuously benefiting%0D%0Athe people and thirdly he leaves behind a pious child who goes on praying%0D%0Afor his forgiveness".%0D%0A%0D%0AOn another occasion Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said: "The%0D%0Aparents of a person who acquired extensive knowledge of the Quraan Majeed%0D%0Aand practised accordingly will be crowned on the day of Qiyaamah and this%0D%0Acrown will shine more than the bright sun which lightens all the houses of%0D%0Athe world".%0D%0A%0D%0AAccording to another Hadith narrated by Hazrat Buraidah (radiyallahu anha),%0D%0ARasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said:%0D%0A"The parents of a person who studied, learned and practised the Quraan%0D%0AMajeed will wear a shinning crown which will shine like the sun and his%0D%0Aparents will wear such precious dresses which will cost more than the total%0D%0Ariches of the world. Then they will be surprised by this honour and they%0D%0Awill enquire for what are they honoured? They will be told that this is the%0D%0Areward for the knowledge of the Quraan Majeed which their children%0D%0Aacquired".%0D%0AThus Rasulullah (Sallallahu alayhi wasallam) has induced that parents should%0D%0Amake their children learn and practice the Quraan Majeed. The purpose%0D%0Aunderlying these suggestions is that if a child should lack the%0D%0A%0D%0AIn a book called "Raudh" is a story of a pious lady known as Bahitah who was%0D%0Aregular in her prayers. At the time of her death she raised he head towards%0D%0Aheaven and exclaimed, "O' the one, who is my only treasun and provider for%0D%0Alife and death, I pray, do not disgrace me at the time o death and save me%0D%0Afrom the horrors of the grave." After her death, he son made it a practice%0D%0Ato visit her grave every Friday and read the Quraai there, offering the%0D%0Ablessings for his mother, as well as for all those burie%3C in the graveyard.%0D%0A%0D%0AOne day, he saw his mother in a dream and asked her, how she was? Th mother%0D%0Areplied, "The severity of death is extremely harsh. By the grace o Allah%0D%0ATaa'la, I am most comfortable in the grave with a bed of sweet basi and%0D%0Asilken cushions, and the treatment given to me will last till Qiyaamah" The%0D%0Ason asked her if he could be of any service to her? She replied: "D not give%0D%0Aup coming to me on Fridays and reading the Quraan. On you arrival, all the%0D%0Adwellers of the graveyard come to me and tell me that you have arrived. Your%0D%0Avisit to the graveyard is a source of great pleasure for me". The boy said%0D%0Athat he had visited the place regularly on Fridays. On day he saw in a dream%0D%0Athat a very big gathering of men and women cam to him and he asked them who%0D%0Athey were? They said that they were the dwellers of such and such graveyard%0D%0Aand they had come to thank him fc his Friday visits to them and his prayers%0D%0Afor their forgiveness by Alia Taa'la that pleased them most. They requested%0D%0Ahim to keep up that practici which he continued most deligently.%0D%0A%0D%0AUpbringing of Children [Moulana Moosa Ahmad Olgar]