Fatwa #990927 October 2003Canada
I was forced to marry a cousin from my native land whom I find repulsive. Is it jaiz if we make a deal that he take another wife and not be allowed to come near me
Question
I came back to Canada a week later after not allowing him near me as I was so disgusted and because I hate him so. I initially wanted a divorce after coming back and slipping into a suicidal depression, and my parents agreed. Now that its come time to ask for the divorce, my mother just had a nervous breakdown and there is physical and verbal abuse goin on in my house 24/7. I find that I cannot stay here any longer, since I dont get along with my parents but I cannot sacrifice my body to someone i hate and he knows that too.Is it jaiz if we make a deal that he take another wife and not be allowed to come near me - like we keep the nikah but he lets go of his rights upon me and i let go of my rights upon him to maintain the family honor?
Answer
Jazakallah for writing to the institute regarding your problem.%0D%0ASister, since you state in such definite words that you hate your husband, I%0D%0Aam baffled why you agreed to the nikah. You strike me as being an assertive%0D%0Aperson so why did you give up your right to say no? Did you tell your%0D%0Aparents that you did not want to marry this man? Have you told your husband%0D%0Athat you despise him?%0D%0AI strongly suggest that you contact learned Ulema in your area and ask them%0D%0Ato guide you. If you are so bent on not going ahead with a lifetime with%0D%0Athis man, you need to speak to someone who will guide you personally and%0D%0Aassist you to see your way more clearly through this situation.%0D%0A%0D%0AWhen any individual, be it an offspring or a parent go against the commands%0D%0Aof Allah Ta'ala, then the results can be negative and unhealthy. It is sad%0D%0Athat you and your mother have ended up with depression. This is not an%0D%0Aacceptable situation and all of you in the family need to take stock of the%0D%0Asituation. You cannot go on tearing each other apart. You all have to%0D%0Aforgive each other and realise that although feelings have been hurt and%0D%0Aunacceptable actions have been taken, you are still kith and kin. Allah%0D%0ATa'ala tests us in different ways and dear sister, as you are younger than%0D%0Ayour parents, try not to judge them too harshly. I understand that you are%0D%0Aunhappy the way events have turned out but you can resolve this situation in%0D%0Aan acceptable way with the help of learned elders.%0D%0A%0D%0APlease turn to Allah Ta'ala for guidance. Perform your 5 daily salaah%0D%0Apromptly, increase zikr, duas, istigfaar, darood shareef and recitation of%0D%0Athe Holy Quran. Find your solace in your Creator and please do not despair.%0D%0APlease do write again if you wish. May Allah Ta'ala guide you and alleviate%0D%0Ayour pain and restore your family ties. Ameen.%0D%0AAnd Allah Ta'ala knows best.%0D%0A%0D%0ASister Fadila%0D%0ASocial department%0D%0A%0D%0ACHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai