Fatwa #4311927 January 2020United Kingdom
My Husband is cheating - What do i do?
Question
Salaam,
I recently got married to my husband 6months ago. Prior to that regrettably we knew each other for around 6 years. I understand that this was sinful for us to do. 3 years before we got married I found out he was sleeping and speaking with other girls. In my heart I loved him and forgave him.
Fast forward to 2018, he met my family and brother and things went well between the families. I was happy initially as he seemed to act like he had become a better person and on his deen etc.
During a first few months of marriage we argued alot. He used to swear at me over little things. I then found out during Ramadan going through his phone that during our marriage process he was still sleeping with other girls and seeking services from call girls too all the while our families were preparing our wedding. I felt sickened and ill. Whilst we got married he was still using snapchat to communicate with those girls and WhatsApping them too.
When I confronted him about this, he made me feel I'm at fault for going through his phone. I eventually left to go to my mums house in the hope this would slap some sense into him. This only made it worse until I confided in his mum in the situation.
Alhumdulillah we have both started to pray five times and hes trying to be a better person. The issue I am having is I cant forget or forgive the things I know about him. I in my heart thought he was a better person when I married him when really it was all an act. I feel there's no trust and I'm still angry with him. Please advise on how to overcome this or if I should this marriage all together?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Sister,
In order to advise you appropriately, we have to analyse the history of your relationship with your husband. You are married for only six months. Your marriage is relatively new. However, you knew your husband for six years. You also knew three years before marriage he had relationships with other girls. Despite such alarming information, you still married him. You state you forgave him because you loved him. We understand the pain and emotion you go through due to your husband cheating on you. However, in view of his history, it is not surprising and unusual. Nevertheless, your love for him made you forgive him and marry him. It is encouraging to note you are able to confide in your mother in law. Continue and build on that relationship and request her to continue advising her son. It is also encouraging to note that both of you have become conscious of Deen and pray.
We advise you and your husband to stay in the company of pious people as much as possible. This could be achieved by linking yourself with a reputable spiritual guide.
We also advise you to listen to talks of Deen. These are avenues which create a positive mindset to one’s Deen. The discourses on Qaseeda Burda of my honourable teacher, Mufti Ebrahim Desai (Hafidhahullah), is very useful for spiritual upliftment. You may purchase a hard copy or access the recordings from the following link: http://daruliftaa.net/qaseeda-burda/
Our success in all matters of Dunya and Akhirat lies in following and practicing the dictates of Deen. Once this is achieved, only happiness will be accomplished in a person’s life. Hence, you and your husband should try and slowly implement all the dictates of Deen to the best of your ability. This will bring happiness In Sha Allah.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mahmood Suliman
Student Darul Iftaa
Gaborone, Botswana
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.