Fatwa #43113 December 2001United States of America
I am a young woman frequently overwhelmed by sexual desires. I try fasting, but it doesn't seem to help. At times I even resort to masturbation. Unfortunately I don't know any Muslim men to marry.
Question
I am a young American woman, a recent convert, a university student in a city with very few Muslims. Frequently I have extremely vivid sexual dreams about young men. When I wake up in the morning I feel terribly guilty, almost as if I have actually committed zina, and vow to purge my mind of this, but it comes back over and over again. Sometimes it only takes a single glimpse of an attractive young man, not even a second look, to start up these thoughts again. And then when I sin by masturbating, I curse myself as being no better than a zania (whore). I know I mustn't despair, but it is very difficult. I was brought up with all the "benefits" of a so-called "sexually liberated" culture, such as sex education, explicit entertainment, and the like, which only exacerbates my situation. I feel enslaved by my sexual desires, not liberated by them. I want to repent, insha'Allah, but I feel helpless.
Answer
The biological change in a human being that demands fulfilment of ones%0D%0Acarnal desires is natural. It cannot be eliminated without fulfilling it. It%0D%0Acan only be suppressed to a certain level. We agree with you that a sexually%0D%0Aliberated culture enslaves a person and exacerbates an already provoked%0D%0Asituation. Your acknowledgement of that coupled with the guilt of evil%0D%0Athoughts is a positive sign. Sister, all you can do is to develop the%0D%0Acourage and exercise patience and restraint until Allah opens the way for%0D%0Ayou. Your desperation should not drive you to make any hasty decisions as%0D%0Athat may be detrimental to you, creating a worse situation. Recite 500%0D%0Atimes daily Durood and salaams to our prophet. That is effective in getting%0D%0Aa compatible marriage partner. We advise the following to assist you to%0D%0Asuppress your desires, surely we cannot eliminate them.%0D%0ANever stay idle as that is the devils workshop. The moment you have an evil%0D%0Athought, change it and engage in something permissible that interests you.%0D%0ANever let an evil thought catch root, as withdrawing from an evil but%0D%0Aenjoyable frame of mind is difficult.%0D%0ASet a standard time and routine for Zikr two times a day. In any portion of%0D%0Athe morning recite. 100 times the first Kalima%0D%0A100 times Istighfaar%0D%0A100 times the third Kalima%0D%0ARead them with concentration and pondering, upon the meanings.%0D%0AThe same should be done any time during the later afternoon or%0D%0Aevening.%0D%0AObtain authentic books on spirituality especially on death. Read them until%0D%0Ayou maintain balance. You may contact us again there after for another%0D%0Aprescription.%0D%0AWe are hopeful if you follow the above you will experience a difference.%0D%0AInshallah.%0D%0A%0D%0Aand Allah Ta'ala Knows Best%0D%0A%0D%0AMufti Ebrahim Desai%0D%0AFATWA DEPT.%0D%0A