My mother passed away 6 days back. She loved me the most amongst all her children. I love her the most. I’m her youngest child (son

As-salam-alai-kum

My mother passed away 6 days back. She loved me the most amongst all her children. I love her the most. I’m her youngest child (son). Guilt/remorse is killing me now. I never listened to her. For instance: She used to ask me to offer Namaaz , read the Holy Quran,  learn Urdu, not to smoke, and lots of other things etc., etc. But I never did. I never gave her happiness – caused her a lot pain, distress, worries, anxiety, stress, made her cry etc. I’m 34 years old now. She loved me the most inspite of all this for all these years. She always used to forgive me. I was always a problem child. I had a fight with her just 3-4 days before she died. I made her cry. I was mad at her and didn’t want to celebrate the Eid with my family or her. And was leaving the house. She said if you go (I don’t know how to write this in English) but it meant something like: “my swear on you” if you go..I’ll die..something will happen to me..etc. She asked me “You’ll come crying when I die, won’t you? (and exactly the same thing happened) But I still left..but came back after about 10 minutes. And she got happy and okay. And we got okay. I celebrated the Eid with her and family. I left her place on Saturday (as I used to do on every weekend) (I live in another city) She gave me Zamzam to drink and kissed my forehead and came till the door to say goodbye to me. She called me to check if I reached safely. I talked to her on Sunday night on the phone. (I used to call her twice everyday and used to visit every week) Monday morning at about 7:30 AM she woke up with chest pain..my brother called the ambulance..she took off her gold rings and gave it to dad..and was also taking her gold bangles too but dad stopped her…then she kept asking dad repeatedly to forgive her..when dad did..she started reciting the first kalma “La-ila-ha-illa—mahamadur rasulillah” again and again loudly -- and in the ambulance she said this in Urdu..which means “Allah have mercy on me.” She complained that there’s no feeling in her legs. then in the hospital…she complained of heart ache and pain in the legs….she vomited…within 20-25 minutes she died. Tears rolled down her eyes. She’s fully conscious till she died. Doctors tried to resuscitate her but it’s too late. Resuscitation process caused her throat injury and broke her 2 teeths. During “ghusl” my sister tells me that there’s lot of bleeding from her mouth. She says throat injury or broken teeth couldn’t cause so much bleeding. She says it’s the sign of a martyr.

I’d like to ask you a few questions. Please answer them in detail. May Allah give you ajr for this.  

1. Did I cause her death? Because I didn’t listen to her that day and left her inspite of she putting her “swear” on me? I came back after sometime.  What does Islam say about swearing.

     2.  How can I help her now?

1. http://www.islam-qa.com/ says I can’t read the holy Quran and forward its benefit to the deceased. But your site says I can. I’m confused. Who should I trust…you people or them?

1. How can I ask for her forgiveness?

1. I’ve started praying Namaaz now. And, I’m very guilty. I want my mother to know that I love her the most and I’m totally lost and devastated without her and I’m truly sorry. Can her soul, spirit, “ruh” see me, hear me?

1. I go to my mother’s grave and read few suras from the holy Quran I know byheart over water and pour the water over the grave. Is that wrong? I also keep my hand on the grave and read suras. Is that wrong?

1. Can she hear me when I go to her grave? And, can her Soul visit me to see me?

1. Will it hurt her if I cry?

1. Can she know what’s going on in this world? What am I doing etc.? Can she know I’m praying etc., trying to become a good Muslim?

1.  Is excessive bleeding from the mouth of a dead person is the sign of a martyr?

1. The way my mother died – are these good signs?

1. Throat injury and broken teeth must have caused her immense pain even if she’s already dead, right?

1. They put her in the cold storage in the morgue for few hours. That must’ve caused her pain right?

1. Some people are telling me that if you read “subah-allahi-who-bayham-di-hi” x number of times -- you can meet your mother in your dreams in 3 months. Is that true?

1. Can I take photographs of my mother’s grave? (At least for identification of the grave’s location).

1. What happens in grave?

1. Can I plant flowers on the grave?

1. I’ve read that parents and offspring would be reunited..they’d live for forever in the Heaven together?

1. How can I undo the pain I’ve caused her. How can I give her happiness now?

1. How can one cope with the loss of one’s mother in an Islamic way?

1. What should I do when I visit her grave?

1. Could you please suggest me some authentic books on Soul and Life in Grave etc.

Thank you so much. May Allah give you “ajr” for this.