I really need some advice, I have been married for four years and I have a great husband, we however constantly fight due to family interference.

There are three aspects to this query

• Your husband

• Your child

• Your in laws

At the outset, you state that Allah has blessed you with a wonderful husband. This is the person you have married and around whom your life revolves. If he is wonderful then you have gained a lot and you have blessed with the best. He is person with whom you going to pass your entire life. The others are just mere visitors who will leave you soon. The phenomena of staying with your in laws and going through ruff patches are an accepted fact. This is due to the difference in temperaments between the daughter in law and mother in law. The process of them adapting to each other takes a long time which is bound to cause conflict between them.

However, you should also understand that your husband has an obligation towards his parents. In reality your husband is sandwiched between you and his parents. You will have to assist him in this course and be of great moral support to him. Be rest assured if he serves his parents and earn their duas, you are the one to benefit at the end. Surely ease will come after difficulty. There are certainly very painful moments that will dawn upon you in this path, but if you persevere and be patient Allah will bless you with a much greater recompense. On the other hand, if move out there is a great possibility that your life might become strained for obvious reasons. The mere fact that your mother in law is assisting you in taking care of your child is a sign of her concern and love for you. Although she might not express this in words, she knows well that you are the wife of her beloved son and the mother to her grandchildren.

There are two ways in addressing your difficulty. A) Proactive approach B) Reactive approach

If you adopt the proactive approach in dealing with your mother in law by taking a keen interest in the affairs of the home, you will win the confidence of your mother in law. Once you win her confidence she will hold you in high esteem and have a lot praises for you. She will compliment you and her attitude towards will change completely. On the other hand if you have a reactive approach by having an emotional outburst every time some disagreement takes place, will make you insecure and lead to you losing confidence in your own self. This will incite your mother in law more to strike at you as she knows your weak points. You will have to ride your courage over your emotions and change the thinking of your mother in law. If you do not respond to her taunts and comments, she will realize for herself that her taunts and comments are useless and this will stop her from repeating this in future.

Apart from this, you should also understand that your mother in law is getting old and they tend to become petty at this age. Therefore, you should just ignore those petty comments and have a positive approach.

You should also understand that grandparents love their grandchildren even more then their own children. Father in laws are prone to take their grandchildren for drives and show off with them to their friends. Grandchildren are a type of honour for grandparents. This happens sometimes and you should overlook that. However, if this continues you could ask your husband to tell his mother to stop the father from doing so. This is guaranteed channel through which you will achieve your objective. Your father in laws comments should be taken in the same spirit and be overlooked. Sometimes such statements are expositions of other work frustrations that manifests itself in this way. Do not take them to heart. If you try to make good reason of their ill actions Inshallah, Allah will bless you with such favours and bounties that others will be left bewildered and shocked.

May Allah grant you the strength and courage to conquer the tides of difficulties and grant you all love, understanding and Muhahaabt. May Allah reward you for your patience and tolerance. Ameen

And Allah Knows Best

Muhammed Zakariyya Desai