really want to get married because I have strong feelings for sexual desire, and therefore want to enjoy sex in a halaal way

Question

I really want to get married because I have strong feelings for sexual desire, and therefore want to enjoy sex in a halaal way. The problem is that my parents are not looking for proposals and they are not interested in getting me married off. I am too scared to request my parents or gaurdians to start looking for proposals as they will get mad and say there is no shame in me. I pray so much to Allah that I get married but nothing is happening at the moment, I am still waiting. I have exhausted all avenues in my ability to try to get myself married, now there is nothing else I can do. I sometimes masturbate when I can no longer control my sexual desire. Will this be considered as sin, even though this is a feeling beyond my control and the fact that I am unable to get married is also beyond my control. Will I still be punished for masturbating. I also wanted to ask that when I masturbate will all the reward of my previous salaats, prayers and durood sharif be eliminated, and get no reward and only punishment from Allah. Please answer this questions as I am in great pain. Thank you, may Allah reward you for your help.

Accepted Answer

The urge for intimate relationship and fulfilling your base desires is natural. As a person grows up, there is a biological change in one’s body and he/she has adult demands. It is precisely for this change in one’s body and the bodily demand that Shari’ah has instructed one to marry. That is the Halaal and legitimate way of fulfilling one’s base desires. The right of marriage is an independent one given to every adult. No parent or guardian should interfere with such a right. There is no shame in expressing your feelings of marriage to your mother or any other senior family member. They will have to accept your feelings and request to marry. They are an obligation in Shari’ah to search a compatible marriage partner for you.

If they do not, they are sinful. If they do not get you married, then you should not sit back and wait. Make your own effort in getting married. You cannot allow yourself to commit sin due to the negligence of your family members. However, in the pursuit of searching for a husband, you should be careful. There are many ‘hawk’ men who could lead you to believe they are interested in you but abuse you. You should guard yourself against that. You should also exercise restraint and avoid fulfilling yourself in an unnatural way. Fasting is most suitable and effective for that. It will also be a clear expression to your family about your inner feelings.

and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best

Mufti Ebrahim Desai

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