whats the concept of engagement in islam

Jazakallah for writing to the institute.%0D%0A%0D%0AYou ask about the concept of engagement in Islam. There is no precept for this in the sunnah. Once a young man's%2Fwoman's match is found and they are found to be suitable for marriage, then the nikah must be performed. Interaction between a non-mahram man%2Fwoman are not acceptable in Islam. There is no point in having a prolonged engagement, it is better to perform the nikah and the young couple can interact in a 'halal' atmosphere.%0D%0A%0D%0AIf a young lady is interested in Islam, the best approach is to introduce her to other sisters who have sufficient knowledge of the practical aspects so that they can teach her. They can also hand her whatever literature, teach her to read Quran, perform salaah etc.Seeing that you have a problem with your nafs, ( porn) it is most certainly contra-indicated that you have any dealings with her. It is best for her to learn Islam from a woman. It is best that you avoid all direct contact with her and deal with her through your sisters.%0D%0A%0D%0AYou say that you are addicted to porn on the net. You have to really make a conscious decision as to whether you want to give up this addiction and why. With any addiction, the person who is involved, has to make a conscious decision to give it up. You are actively engaging in viewing porn. You have to make a definite, conscious and full effort give it up. Allah Ta'ala does not misguide you. It is shaitaan who misguides you and you give in to him.%0D%0A%0D%0ASo decide, who do you please? Allah Ta'ala or shaitaan?%0D%0A%0D%0AAllow me to make some practical suggestions. Stop watching T.V. completely, avoid watching news, sports, the works! Do not read magazines and newspapers with nude or semi-nude pics. Walk with your gaze lowered all the time. It is not impossible. You will find it will become second nature to you. You will find that what you do decide to look at, will be most pleasing rather than running amok with your heart, eyes and imaan. Think of it this way. Would you like a non-mahram men to stare at and desire your sister or mother? You most certainly won't. So you stop this habit and insha'allah, shaitaan will have difficulty in sending your desires into a spin.%0D%0A%0D%0ASecondly, keep yourself in a state of wudhu all the time. That is, as soon as your wudhu is broken, go and perform it at the earliest convenience. Perform wudhu before you go to bed, make lots of istigfaar, make sure you fall off to sleep with Allah Ta'ala's name on your lips and in your heart. Perform your salaan 5 times a day on time, make lots of istigfaar, all day if possible. Make lots of zikr and constantly ask Allah Ta'ala you guide you away from your habit. Increase your knowledge of the Quran and hadith. Join a group through the masjid which is involved in teaching%2Flearning the tafsir of the Quran, Arabic and Hadith. Change your company if you find that your friends are into porn, movies and girls. %0D%0A%0D%0AYou basically have to change your orientation. Figure out what is most important to you as a Muslim. Your nafs and what pleases shaitaan? Try to develop an Islamic lifestyle and move towards gaining the pleasure of Allah Ta'ala and displeasing shaitaan. This is a test in your youth. Rise up to the occasion by drawing yourself to all that is good in you as a person. Seek knowledge of Islam, practice it and teach it to others too insha'allah. Learn about the Sahaba and how they lived. How they gave up their deviant lifestyle before the message was brought to them by our believed Nabi(sallallaahu alayhi wassallam). Learn how easy it was for them to give up evil and immediately accept truth and Allah Ta'ala's commandments. They developed taqwa and strengthened their imaan by giving up everything that was against Allah Ta'ala's commandments and they adopted the sunnah. %0D%0A%0D%0ABy viewing porn, you are committing zinna of the heart, eyes, limbs and ears. All these organs will give evidence against you on the day of Qiyamah. I suggest that you approach your local imaam for help on this matter. Ask him to explain to you how this is eroding your imaan. It is totally up to you to make the correct choices for Allah Ta'ala's pleasure. Make a determined and concerted effort to learn about deen and how you are to live your life as a pious Muslim. What makes you turn to porn? What will turn you away from porn? What does porn do to your heart? What does it do to your imaan? How does it add to your life and how much does it take away from your life? The fact that you have written in indicates that it is becoming a problem for you.%0D%0A%0D%0AI get the impression that you want to give it up. Avoid talking to non-mahram women. If you have to talk to them let it be business like, firm, to the point and no small talk nor lurid speech. If you are working with women, avoid unnecessary contact with them. Avoid being alone with them. Do not concern yourself with comments or remarks that may be made about your aloofness. Know that you are gaining the pleasure of Allah Ta'ala and that should be uppermost in your mind. That every action of yours is done only for His pleasure.%0D%0A%0D%0AGet married as soon as possible. Seek a suitable pious partner and channel your sexual needs in an acceptable way where you will actually earn rewards from Allah Ta'ala. Sex with your wife is an act of worship. So safe yourself, your heart, eyes, ears and limbs for that wife with whom you will be able to please yourself and Allah Ta'ala. %0D%0A%0D%0ATry to increase taleem in your home and slowly ask your whole family to put the above suggestions into practice. May Allah Ta'ala guide you away from shaitaan and fully guide you onto the 'seeratul mustaqueem. Ameen.%0D%0A%0D%0Aand Allah Ta'ala Knows Best%0D%0A%0D%0A1SOCIAL DEPT.%0D%0A%0D%0ACHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai