Fatwa #1208419 July 2004Canada
Please help me with my addiction. Is it ok to talk to girls if they talk to you at school? or talk to them while keeping a distance?
Question
I have a problem with masturbation. I cannot get direct help from anywhere. I try to keep myself away from it for a maximum of 3 days. After that its almost impossible for me to resist that feeling. Whenever i go out with my family or friends, i look at other girls with lust because of their clothing and then think about bad stuff while doing this sin. I am afraid that if i make a promise with Allah to quit my bad habit, i may break it. I donot feel secure discussing about my problem with my parents as they already told me not to do this and keeping it a secret is also not easy as i wet my blanket almost everyday and need advice on how to clean it. I have been using wet paper towel to clean it lately. I am feeling shy to ask imam in our community. Many people are there in the mosque after prayer. How should I start to express my problem to him? Also, sometimes girls talk at school, is it ok to talk to them while keeping distance or just ignore them? May Allah protect us all.
Answer
Jazakallah for writing to the institute.%0D%0A%0D%0AYou mention that girls talk to you at school so I wonder how old you are. You are perhaps a teenager and this can be a difficult period for you as your hormones could be running amok with you and your nafs. Your idea to approach the imaan is a very good one. It is best to trust him and to gain his confidence as these years are difficult ones for any young person. How about phoning your imaan and tell him that you will be handing him a sealed letter at the masjid and that you would like him to read it in privacy? Mention to him that you are shy to talk to him initially but you look forward to his guidance and help in whichever way he can offer. Insha'allah he will become a good role model for you.%0D%0A%0D%0AAllow me to make some practical suggestions in the meantime. Stop watching T.V. completely. Avoid news, sports, the works! Do not read magazines and newspapers with nude or semi-nude pics. Walk with your gaze lowered all the time. It is not impossible. You will find it will become second nature to you. You will find that what you do decide to look at, will be most pleasing rather than running amok with your heart, eyes and imaan. Think of it this way. Would you like a non-mahram men to stare at and desire your sister or mother? You most certainly won't. So you stop this habit and insha'allah, shaitaan will have difficulty in sending your desires into a spin.%0D%0A%0D%0ASecondly, keep yourself in a state of wudhu all the time. That is, as soon as your wudhu is broken, go and perform it at the earliest convenience. Perform wudhu before you go to bed, make lots of istigfaar, make sure you fall off to sleep with Allah Ta'ala's name on your lips and in your heart. Perform your salaan 5 times a day on time, make lots of istigfaar, all day if possible. Make lots of zikr and constantly ask Allah Ta'ala you guide you away from your habit. Increase your knowledge of the Quran and hadith. Join a group through the masjid which is involved in teaching%2Flearning the tafsir of the Quran, Arabic and Hadith. Change your company if you find that your friends are into porn, movies and girls. You basically have to change your orientation. Figure out what is most important to you as a Muslim. Your nafs and what pleases shaitaan? Try to develop an Islamic lifestyle and move towards gaining the pleasure of Allah Ta'ala and displeasing shaitaan. This is a test in your youth. Rise up to the occasion by drawing yourself to all that is good in you as a person. Seek knowledge of Islam, practice it and teach it to others too insha'allah. Learn about the Sahaba and how they lived. How they gave up their deviant lifestyle before the message was brought to them by our believed Nabi(sallallaahu alayhi wassallam). Learn how easy it was to give up evil and immediately accept truth and Allah Ta'ala's commandments. They developed taqwa and strengthened their imaan by giving up everything that was against Allah Ta'ala's commandments and they adopted the sunnah.%0D%0A%0D%0ASo alongside obtaining your secular education, make a concerted effort to learn about deen and how you are to live your life as a pious Muslim. What makes girls want to talk to you? If it is absolutely necessary, talk to them but with a firm voice, without looking at them and no small talk nor lurid speech. Stick to school matters only. If you find that they could get their information anywhere else, inform them about it. You may be mocked and teased about this. Do not let it bother you, know that you are gaining the pleasure of Allah Ta'ala and that should be uppermost in your mind. That every action of yours is done only for His pleasure. Slowly limit your interaction with non mahram women. Do it in a way that you do not hurt anybody's feelings and do not bring on anybody's anger. Make it known that you do not look down on anyone but that it is your preference and you expect to be respected for it.%0D%0A%0D%0ATry to increase taleem in your home and slowly ask your whole family to put the above suggestions into practice. May Allah Ta'ala guide you away from shaitaan and fully guide you onto the 'seeratul mustaqueem. Ameen.%0D%0A%0D%0Aand Allah Ta'ala Knows Best%0D%0A%0D%0A1SOCIAL DEPT.%0D%0A%0D%0ACHECKED & APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai