My wife does not allow me to speak a word to my mum since married.What should I do as I hoped time with fix issue but not & dont want to violate the rights of my mum & risk the relation with my wife

Jazakallah for writing to the institute regarding the problem with your wife's unacceptable attitude with your mother. It is unfortunate that your wife cannot see her way through living peacefully with one who gave birth to you and who did so much for you when you needed her most. Allah Ta'ala has given every Muslim clear instructions about the rights of others over us, especially our parent's rights over us. We are so fortunate in that even if we think kindly about another person Allah Ta'ala's mercy descend upon us. When we show respect and kindness to our parents and to the parents of our spouses, rest assured that our homes become blessed beyond measure. We are also following the commands of Allah Ta'ala at the same time.%0D%0A%0D%0AAllah Ta'ala has created men and women as company for one another, so that they can procreate and live in peace and tranquility. Allah Ta'ala states in the Holy Quran, " And among His signs is that He created for you mates from amongst yourselves, that you dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect." (30:21) Through the union of two people, families come together and many Muslims acquire mutual kin. Long after Nabi (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam's ) first wife had passed away, he continued to send gifts to and maintained ties with her family. The main obligation of a wife as a partner is that she should be attentive to the comfort and well being of her mate. She should neither offend him nor hurt his feelings. The Quranic ayah describes righteous people as those who pray, " Our Lord! Grant unto us wives and offspring who will be the joy and the comfort of our eyes, and guide us to be models of righteousness. (Quran,25:74).%0D%0A%0D%0AHere are examples of what the Quran says about a true believer, " None of you can be a true believer unless he loves for his fellow believer what he loves for himself." A woman wishes to continue her love and attachment with her parents. She must and has to be happy to see her husband do the same. If he does not do so, she should work hard towards making him pay sincere attention to his parents %0D%0A%0D%0AThe Quran also states: " And the believers, men and women, are protecting (and allied) friends of one another; they enjoin the right and forbid the wrong, and they establish worship....." Quran, 9:71-72)%0D%0A%0D%0AIslamic morals deal with amongst others, the relationship between man and God, man and his fellow men, man and his innermost self. A Muslim's role is to champion what is right and fight what is wrong, seek what is true and abandon what is false, cherish what is beautiful and wholesome and avoid what is indecent. Humbleness and simplicity, courtesy and compassion are his second nature. To him arrogance, harshness and indifference are distasteful, offensive and displeasing to God. %0D%0A%0D%0ALet us look at our parent's rights over us when they are old. The concept of Ihsan as it pertains to one's parents entails that they should be treated with active sympathy, patience, comfort, gratitude, respect and honour. You have a duty to see to the support and maintenance of your parents and in case they need help, you should try to make them as comfortable as possible. If your wife supports and helps you in this endevour, you will both earn Jannah. If you do not fulfill your duties towards your parents because your wife stops you from doing so, you will both earn Allah Ta'ala's wrath and Jahannum, have no doubt about that. You are under no obligation to cut off ties with any of your relatives, least of all your mother because your wife does not like them. Even if your wife has a so-called a valid reason for not liking them, that is her problem and under no circumstances does it give her the right to demand that you break off ties with your kin. You will be answerable for breaking Allah Ta'ala's commands if you severe ties with your kin. You will be obeying her and disobeying Allah Ta'ala and most certainly there is a very severe penalty in it for you. She too will earn Allah Ta'ala's wrath for displeasing you and demanding haraam actions (breaking off ties from kin) from you. %0D%0A%0D%0ASince you are partners in marriage, it is understandable that both of you should discuss aspects of your life which please or upset either one of you. You will also work out how best to deal with areas of conflict so that your family life can be as smooth running as possible. It is inevitable that a husband may do certain things that irritate his wife and vice versa. The sensible, mature approach would be that both of them discuss their pet "hates" and work out an equitable solution. There has to be obvious give and take in the partnership. There is no room for unreasonable demands on either side. Haraam demands do not have to be accommodated nor obeyed by either the wife or the husband. There are no compromises when it comes to obeying Allah Ta'ala's laws and commands. When spouses make unreasonable demands on each other it destroys the tranquility in the home. When hatred predominates, hearts get poisoned and the children who witness all the evil are also affected. It destroys their innocence and upbringing as they learn to demand, hate and dislike others just as unreasonably as they witness their parents do. Parents become poor role models for their children and the vicious cycle continues. Do you think it will be possible for the two of you to go to a Muslim therapist for counselling? An outside person may just be able to help you both to work out this problem as you say that you have not been able to resolve it for years now.%0D%0A%0D%0AAre your parents living with you? If so, will it not be possible for you to accommodate them close by where you can personally attend to their needs without having your wife being unhappy about your contact with them. In the light of what I have mentioned above, under no circumstances are you to stop speaking to your parents but if it will make it easier if you can get someone to cook, clean and look after your parents. Make sure you set aside a reasonable amount of time daily to see them and attend to their needs. You should not neglect your wife and child at the same time. Work out an equitable plan to make life easier on you. %0D%0A%0D%0AAs far as this Aamil issue is concerned, I am not all convinced that anything that was seen or said in his presence was authentic. A reputable aamil will not handle the situation in a way which will result in the splintering of a family, let alone destroying a relationship between a mother and son. There are quacks who pass themselves off as aamils. They manipulate the situation with a bit of information they gather beforehand and then allow their 'subjects' to say what they want to hear (as it serves the woman's purpose in this case). These men will be accountable to Allah Ta'ala for the destruction they cause in people's lives. If by a long shot what your wife says is true, that still does not give her the right nor reason to make you break off ties with your mother. She must handle her problem with your mother in a way that is best for her but she has to remember that Allah Ta'ala hears, sees and knows all. %0D%0A%0D%0ABrother, you have a lot of soul searching to do. Your predicament must be very hard to deal with but you have to keep in mind that there is Only One Allah Ta'ala and you are a Muslim. Your declaration of "Laa illaaha illallaa" demands that you obey your Creator first. As one who has knowledge, you know all that Allah Ta'ala demands from you as far as your mother is concerned. Indeed, your wife too has rights over you. Fulfill her rights even if your rights are not fulfilled by her. Ask Allah Ta'ala for your rewards in the aagirah and insha'allah you will receive better for your sabr. You may write again if you wish. May Allah Ta'ala guide and comfort you in your difficulties. Ameen.%0D%0A%0D%0Aand Allah Ta'ala Knows Best%0D%0A%0D%0ASister Fadila%0D%0ASOCIAL DEPT.%0D%0A%0D%0ACHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai