Fatwa #4788918 June 2021United States of America
When should the marriage be consummated?
Question
AssalamuAlaikum.
A question I had which has been bothering me and some of my friends too (some of whom are married, so it pertains to them more) is whether consumation and the 'act' is supposed to be done the first night of marriage? It is wajib or sunnah or anything? If neither, then what is the ruling for how long one can wait since many girls are uncomfortable and scared. If you could shed some light on this it would be very beneficial for many young girls. JazakAllah Khairan
Answer
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Carnal desires and lust are natural in human beings, males and females alike.
Marriage is a means for one to fulfil those natural desires and maintain chastity. See the following hadith.
Rasullullah sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam said:
" يَا مَعْشَرَ الشَّبَابِ مَنِ اسْتَطَاعَ مِنْكُمُ الْبَاءَةَ فَلْيَتَزَوَّجْ فَإِنَّهُ أَغَضُّ لِلْبَصَرِ وَأَحْصَنُ لِلْفَرْجِ " . صحيح مسلم (2/1018)
“0 youth, those of you who can marry, should marry; it restrains the gaze and fortifies one's chastity.” (Sahih Muslim-2/1018)
The first-time meeting of newly married couples is a combination of excitement and anxiousness. The excitement is due to a new phase in life with expected long-term love and happiness. The anxiousness is due to the fear of not fulfilling the expectations of love and intimacy of the spouse. Intimacy is not only about fulfilling one’s carnal desires; it is about emotional fulfilment.
It is therefore advisable for the newly married couple to understand the feelings and emotions of each other and comfort each other.
The married couple should understand and consider that the objective of marriage is also to fulfil one’s carnal desires. There is an expectation of intimacy and sexual gratification in the beginning of marriage.
Both the spouses should endeavour to fulfil the intimate needs of each other as soon as possible. That is an effective means of bonding with each other. An undue delay in intimacy would complicate issues and create undue anxiety.
Both spouses should educate themselves on sexual etiquettes in Islam before marriage. They both should abide by the sexual etiquettes in Islam. That will assist in reducing the anxiety and fear, especially in a woman.
You may refer to this book on Islamic Guide to Sexual Relations.
And Allah Ta’ala Knows Best
Anas Bin Mohammad
Student Darul Iftaa
Abu Dhabi,U.A.E
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.