Fatwa #4679325 December 2020Canada
Confrontation with my mother
Question
I am married and still I don't have children. Today I went to my mother's house while I was talking to her I shared that me and my husband have lot of stress that we are childless. I will read all wazifas along with that I am planning to show to the doctor.
My mother said rudely don't tell me anything and don't give me stress. I told her I never spoke to you in high voice and I am just sharing my pain with you. Then she called my aunt told her everything about me that we are planning to do some medical treatment. I told her why are telling my aunt about this. Then she started giving me bad words to me, screaming at me violently and throwed a pillow at me to hit. I left the house and came back to my husbands house.
I did not do anything, I never spoke to her at high voice nor did I misbehaved with her at anytime of my life. If she is not speaking or if I am not speaking to her because she behaved violently does this put me at risk that my mother is angry with me according to Islam despite of me not doing anything to her? Kindly advise what I should do?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh
We take not of your stress due to not having Children. However, the giving of children is through the sole decree of Allah Ta’ala. Allah Ta’ala says in the Quraan:
لله ملك السماوات والأرض يخلق ما يشاء يهب لمن يشاء إناثا ويهب لمن يشاء الذكور - أو يزوجهم ذكرانا وإناثا ويجعل من يشاء عقيما إنه عليم قدير (الشورى 49-50)
Translation: “To Allah Ta’ala belongs the kingdom of the heavens and earth. He creates whatever he wishes. He bestows female (offspring) to whomsoever he wishes and bestows male (offspring) to whomsoever he wishes. Or he grants both male and female and he renders barren whomsoever he wishes. Verily, he is All-Knowing and has the power to do anything. (Surah Ash Shurā. Verse 49-50)
You and your husband should submit to the decree of Allah Ta’ala and place your trust in Allah Ta’ala. Once you do that, you wont experience stress. Yes, we understand the desire of having children. There is no need to stress for that. Adopt medical means and make dua and leave the outcome to Allah Ta’ala. Allah Ta’ala granted Ebrahim (Alaihis Salaam) Ismail and Ishaq (Alaihimus Salaam) in old age. Likewise, Allah Ta’ala granted Zakariyya (Alaihis Salaam) Yahya (Alaihis Salaam) in old age.
We take note of your mothers’ reaction to you. It is normal for a daughter to confide in her mother and seek comfort through her in challenging times. You mother has confided in your aunt. You should also consider discussing the issue with your aunt as it is possible, she may offer you some valuable advises and also intervene in the mother and advise your mother accordingly. Furthermore, continue reading and supplicating to Allah Ta’ala. The following should aid you in making dua for a child.
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا (سورة الفرقان، رقم الآية 74)
Translation: Our Sustainer, Grant us the coolness of our eyes from our spouses and children, and make us leaders of the pious.”
رَبِّ إِنِّي لِمَا أَنزلْتَ إِلَيَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَقِيرٌ (سورة القصص، رقم الآية 24)
Translation: O My Rabb! Indeed, I am needy of whatever good you bestow on me.
رَبِّ هَبْ لِي مِنْ لَدُنْكَ ذُرِّيَّةً طَيِّبَةً إِنَّكَ سَمِيعُ الدُّعَاءِ (سورة ال عمران, اية 38)
Translation: (Sayyiduna Zakariyya alaihis salām said) “Oh my Lord, grant me from your bounty pious children, Verily, you are the Listener of all prayers.”
▪Note: Mawlānā Ashraf `Alī Thānwī (rahimahullāh) states that if a barren woman fasts for 7 days and breaks her fast with water, then reads the following, then Inshā Allāh she will soon conceive:[i]
اَلْبَارِئُ اَلْمُصَوِّرُ
Translation: “Oh Creator, the Fashioner!”
Transliteration: Al-Baari Al-Musawwir
We make Dua Allah Ta’ala bestow you with pious offspring, Ameen.
And Allah Ta’ala Knows best
M. Akhtar
Student Darul Iftaa
South Africa
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.