I am asking for permission to committ suicide

Question

I am asking for permission to committ suicide.

I have borderline personality disorder, autism, adhd, and ocd, and I take multiple psychiatric pills that prevent me from being able to fast. If I do not take them, even for 30 minutes, I become wild. I have suffered constant emotional, psychological, mental, and at times physical abuse from my parents and my older sister and younger brother and my aunt, though the physical abuse came from my father, and sister. I am unemployed, and struggle to find employment, and my relatives expect to find a job, but I am too depressed.

I feel everything so deep, that the slightest abandonment or perceived abandonment or slight makes me feel extremely sad or in despair. I have thought about suicide constantly since I was in my early teens, and even threatened it as a 10 year old when my parents were divorcing but still spending time together and kissing and hugging in front of me. I was arrested a few times, and locked up in mental hospitals with drug addicts when my uncontrollable anger, fueled by abuse, and impulsivity led to me physically hurting my mom as a teen. I struggled with hypersexuality which led to suicidality, which led to a police officer threatening to jail me in the college for threatening suicide.

No one understands me. I am mentally ill. My relatives have abandoned me by blocking my number. My father is absent from my life. I am too depressed to continue my daily activities.

Bilal Yusuf Pandor · Accepted Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful. As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh. Respected Brother, It is unfortunate to hear of your troubles. We empathise with what you are going through. We make Dua Almighty Allah grant you contentment of the heart. Aameen. Life is a series of ups and down, happiness and sadness, good and bad. It is a jumble of all these emotions and a mixture of all sorts of people. No man or woman can ever claim that my life has been free of any difficulty, or that I have never been sad or angry. It this change of events and circumstances that makes life unique and worth living. It is known that each individual’s life experiences are different, and no two men will be the same. If one has mostly experienced evil in this world, or has not yet experienced the best life has to offer, does that make life not worth living? The short answer is, No. We understand the wrongs that have been committed against you, and we truly sympathise with you. No individual deserves to be treated in such a manner. It is against human dignity. However, it is the strength and willpower of an individual that allows him to rise above the things holding him down. Often, this strength comes from realising one’s purpose in this world. Why have we been given life? Why are we here? What is our purpose in this world? As Muslims, our purpose in this world is clear. To recognize Almighty Allah and worship Him. To believe in Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) and the message he came with. No matter the circumstances, these two things must be a constant in the life of a Muslim. Once this has been realised, then one will understand that it is the system of Almighty Allah to tests his servants. Infact, the stronger a person’s faith, the greater the test. This test is to determine the true level of our faith and thereafter ensure our place in Jannah. The easy way out of tests is to cheat. Deciding not to live anymore is cheating the test of life. Every individual is tested. Yes, the levels and difficulty of the tests are different. For example, the prophet Ayyub (Alaihis Salam) was tested by the loss of his family, his wealth, and his health. His health deteriorated to such an extent that no one wanted to be around him, and they deserted him. Only his wife stayed at his side. Yet despite all this, he persevered, and kept his reliance on Almighty Allah and he was passed this test. You too have experienced the difficult aspects of life. The truth is, despite all the things holding you down, you managed to keep your chin up and remain a Muslim. You still have the faith and state of mind to seek a fatwa for an action you wish to carry out. This tells us more than enough regarding your personal strength and willpower. Do not sell yourself short. What you have achieved by simply being and persevering through your trying times is nothing short of remarkable. Each man holds his own life in his hands. We may not be able to control what happens to us, but we definitely are on control of how we react to these things. Your reaction at this crucial stage of your life will be judged. Will you take the easy way out? Or will you push through and prove everyone else wrong? Respected Brother, We advise you to firstly seek medical help. Furthermore, you must go to your local masjid and start attending the prayers daily. Make it a point to acquaint yourself with the local Imam. Make sure to sit in the daily programs of the masjid. Listen to the people speak about Almighty Allah and the hereafter. Thereafter, re-evaluate your purpose in life. Often, simply by listening to others, one will realise the suffering millions of people undergo on a daily basis. Sit in the gatherings of the pious and learn about the ways of our faith. Let that be an outlet for you to rectify your inner self. These things no doubt will take time and effort. There most definitely is a light at the end of the tunnel, and there will come a time when you will truly see it. Respected Brother, Despite all your troubles, you had the awareness to seek a fatwa on committing suicide. That in itself is a no small achievement. It tells us a lot regarding your state of mind and your priorities. Despite your difficulties, your first thought was with regards to your hereafter. That is extremely commendable. Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) has condemned those who opt for the easy way out and commit suicide. See the following hadith, عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ رضى الله عنه عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ مَنْ تَرَدَّى مِنْ جَبَلٍ فَقَتَلَ نَفْسَهُ، فَهْوَ فِي نَارِ جَهَنَّمَ، يَتَرَدَّى فِيهِ خَالِدًا مُخَلَّدًا فِيهَا أَبَدًا، وَمَنْ تَحَسَّى سَمًّا فَقَتَلَ نَفْسَهُ، فَسَمُّهُ فِي يَدِهِ، يَتَحَسَّاهُ فِي نَارِ جَهَنَّمَ خَالِدًا مُخَلَّدًا فِيهَا أَبَدًا، وَمَنْ قَتَلَ نَفْسَهُ بِحَدِيدَةٍ، فَحَدِيدَتُهُ فِي يَدِهِ، يَجَأُ بِهَا فِي بَطْنِهِ فِي نَارِ جَهَنَّمَ خَالِدًا مُخَلَّدًا فِيهَا أَبَدًا Translation: “Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, whoever purposely throws himself from a mountain and kills himself, will be in the Fire falling down into it and abiding therein perpetually forever; and whoever drinks poison and kills himself with it, he will be carrying his poison in his hand and drinking it in the Fire wherein he will abide eternally forever; and whoever kills himself with an iron weapon, will be carrying that weapon in his hand and stabbing his abdomen with it in the Fire wherein he will abide eternally forever.” (Bukhari-5778) This is a very severe warning from Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) and leaves no room for a Muslim to take his own life. It is the sign of a believer to pass through the difficulties of life whilst placing his tawakkul (reliance) on Almighty Allah. We have no doubt that you too are such a believer. We pray Almighty Allah ease your matters for you. We advise you to seek medical help and take part in the activities of your local Masjid. The road ahead may be difficult, but the rewards that await you will make it more than worth your while. If you require further assistance, do not hesitate to contact us again at the Darul Iftaa. And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best Bilal Yusuf Pandor Student Darul Iftaa Lusaka, Zambia Checked and Approved by, Mufti Ebrahim Desai (2021-02-11)

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