Fatwa #467491 October 2022United Kingdom
Who must look after a disabled sibling?
Question
My Nanima (maternal grandmother) passed away in October. She was the sole carer for one of my maternal uncles who has a severe learning disability. My mother also has 2 sisters and 2 other brothers, all of whom live in the UK also. My mother, aunts and two other uncles decided that they would share responsibility for my disabled uncle equally, with him to stay with each sibling for certain periods of time during the year.
My eldest aunt has decided to take primary responsibility as she is divorced and has the support of her children in caring for my uncle. My father takes a traditional view in that he believes that the sons, I.e. my two uncles, have the farmhouse obligation to assume the care and responsibility for my uncle. He does not wish for my uncle to live in his and my mother's house and does not believe that my mother has an equal responsibility for my uncle in the way that my other two uncles have. This view is based primarily on the shariah rules of inheritance. Is my father correct in his view, and does my mother have to agree to his wishes in this matter. In addition, to provide further context, I was the victim of sexual abuse from my disabled uncle when I was a very young child, my parents have recently become aware of this and this has only strengthened my father's desire to not allow my uncle to live in their house. My mother wants both myself and my father to forgive my uncle as she believes that he is masoom in the eyes of Allah SWT due to his mental disability and did not know that he was committing wrong when he abused me.
I cannot forgive my uncle and do not wish to meet or speak with him due to the effect of the abuse on my mental health and my wellbeing, in addition to the trauma and pain I have felt since I was a child due to this. Am I obligated to forgive my uncle? I do not believe that that I should have to do so for the sake of my uncle's feelings, for the sake of "family honour" or what relatives will say about my uncle not visiting my parents house or staying with them. I have told my mother that she does not have to break ties with my uncle, I will drive her to whichever uncle or aunts house he is staying with so that she can stay with them to care for my uncle. I will assist in this freely and willingly. Am I being reasonable in this regard as per shariah?
I would be most grateful of you can assist me with the above enquiries, jazakallah khair.
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu 'alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Respected Brother,
You refer to multiple issues in your query.
Firstly, we offer you our sympathies with regards to your trauma. No child is supposed to be subjected to abuse of any kind, let alone by a close family member whom the child trusts. Child abuse is unfortunately too common an occurrence in todays world. We hope and pray that Almighty Allah gives you the strength to overcome what happened to you. Aameen.
The actions of your uncle are truly abhorrent and cannot be excused. However, having said that, it seems that this was a result of his mental disability as pointed out by your mother. If that is truly the case, then one must understand these actions to have stemmed from an unsettled mind incapable of discerning between right and wrong. This still does not justify his actions and the negative consequences on yourself, but it opens the door of forgiveness given that he was and is not in the right state of mind.
Respected Brother,
We cannot even try to imagine what you went through in your childhood and we hope and pray you have taken active measures to help you overcome this trauma. It would be prudent to seek therapy and try to overcome this challenge in your life. The next step would also involve forgiving your uncle for his actions. Yes, what he did was wrong, and it may seem impossible to forgive him for what he did, but then, when is forgiveness ever easy?
There is a reason why forgiving the wrongs of others upon oneself carries immense merit in the eyes of Almighty Allah. That is because it takes a great amount of willpower, empathy, and compassion to overlook someone else's wrongs. To move past this challenge of your life, you should try to let go and forgive your uncle for his actions. We understand how difficult this must be for you, but keep in mind the great rewards that await you in the hereafter for this selfless act of forgiveness. Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said,
ارْحَمُوا تُرْحَمُوا، وَاغْفِرُوا يَغْفِرُ اللَّهُ لَكُمْ
Translation: "Be merciful to others and you will receive mercy. Forgive others and Allah will forgive you." (Al-Adab-ul-Mufrad-380)
Furthermore, if you forgive despite being hurt, that is an exemplification of your nobility. Whenever, you focus on your act of forgiving, that will enhance your confidence and nobility. It will be an act of virtue carried forward to present to Almighty Allah and earn Hus forgiveness.
Even though you are not obligated to forgive others for their transgressions against you, to do so is a great act in the eyes of Almighty Allah. Forgiveness might also help you accept and move on from your trauma and live your life without always thinking back to this. We understand that this is difficult, but with the right help, you will be able to move on. We make dua Almighty Allah creates ease for you in all your matters. Aameen.
Respected Brother,
It is incorrect of your father to say that the responsibility of the disabled uncle must be borne solely by his brothers. The responsibility of such an individual will be borne by all his siblings, male and female, provided they are not poor. The responsibility will be borne in the ratio of their theoretical inheritance from him.[1] Therefore, responsibility of this uncle must also be borne by your mother and her sisters to an extent. It is incorrect to impose the responsibility solely onto the brothers.
We understand the reasons behind your father's stance. Our advice is that the family should sit down and make mashwera to determine the way forward. If your father is still adamant about not letting your uncle into his house, the other siblings may cover for your mother and host your uncle and in turn, she may help out more with the finances should the need be.
The fact remains that a disabled individual requires assistance. The attitude of a Muslim should always be to help his fellow Muslim no matter the circumstances. We advise you all to ponder over the following hadith,
عن أنس عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: لا يؤمن أحدكم، حتى يحب لأخيه ما يحب لنفسه
Translation: "Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said, none of you can be a true believer until he loves (and wants) for his brother Muslim what he loves for himself." (Bukhari-13)
And Allah Ta'āla Knows Best
Bilal Yusuf Pandor
Student Darul Iftaa
Lusaka, Zambia
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
(2020-12-26)
المحيط البرهاني في الفقه النعماني (3/ 586) [1]
وصار الأصل في إيجاب نفقة من سوى الوالدين والمولودين من ذوي الأرحام أنه إذا اجتمع الموسرون والمعسرون من قبل أبيه ينظر إلى المعسر، فإن كان بحال يحرز كل الميراث ولا يرث معه أحد من الموسرين (317ب1) كالإخوة والأخوات مع الابن يجعل هذا المعسر كالميت، ثم ينظر إلى الموسرين فتجب النفقة عليهم على قدر مواريثهم، فإن كان هذا المعسر لا يحرز كلّ الميراث كالابنة مع الإخوة والأخوات لا يلحق هو لميت بل يعتبر هو حيّاً، ويقسم الميراث بينهم على سهامهم، ثم تجب كل النفقة على الموسرين، ولكن على السهام التي كان نصيبهم من الميراث
بيان هذا الأصل: إذا كان للصغير أم وثلاث أخوات متفرقات، والأخت من الأب والأخت من الأم معسرتان والأم والأخت لأب وأم موسرتان فكلّ النفقة تجب على الأم والأخت لأب وأم، لكن على أربعة أسهم، ثلاثة أسهم على الأخت لأب وأم وسهم على الأم، ميراث الصغير بينهم ينقسم على ستة أسهم، ثلاثة أسهم للأخت لأب وأم وسهم للأخت لأب وسهم للأخت، وسهم للأم من ميراث الصغير سهم وللأخت لأب وأم ثلاثة، فتكون النفقة عليهما أرباعاً. ولو كانت الأخت لأب والأخت لأم ملحقتان بالأموات كان ميراث الصغير بين الأم والأخت أخماساً فرضاً وردّاً فينبغي أن تكون النفقة عليهما أخماساً أيضاً، على أن المعتبر ما قلنا
فعلى هذا الأصل تخرج جنس هذه المسائل
الاختيار لتعليل المختار (4/ 11)
قَالَ: (وَنَفَقَةُ ذِي الرَّحِمِ سِوَى الْوَالِدَيْنِ وَالْوَلَدِ تَجِبُ عَلَى قَدْرِ الْمِيرَاثِ) كَالْإِخْوَةِ وَالْأَخَوَاتِ وَالْأَعْمَامِ وَالْعَمَّاتِ وَالْأَخْوَالِ وَالْخَالَاتِ، وَلَا تَجِبُ لِرَحِمٍ لَيْسَ بِمَحْرَمٍ، وَالْأَصْلُ فِيهِ قَوْله تَعَالَى: {وَعَلَى الْوَارِثِ مِثْلُ ذَلِكَ} [البقرة: 233] وَفِي قِرَاءَةِ ابْنِ مَسْعُودٍ: " وَعَلَى الْوَارِثِ ذِي الرَّحِمِ الْمَحْرَمِ مِثْلُ ذَلِكَ "، فَذِكْرُهُ الْوَارِثَ إِشَارَةٌ إِلَى اعْتِبَارِ قَدْرِ الْمِيرَاثِ وَلِيَكُونَ الْغُرْمُ بِالْغُنْمِ
(وَإِنَّمَا تَجِبُ إِذَا كَانَ فَقِيرًا بِهِ زَمَانَةٌ لَا يَقْدِرُ عَلَى الْكَسْبِ) أَمَّا الْفَقْرُ فَلِمَا مَرَّ، وَأَمَّا الْعَجْزُ عَنِ الْكَسْبِ فَلِأَنَّهُ يَكُونُ غَنِيًّا بِكَسْبِهِ، وَلَا كَذَلِكَ الْوَالِدَانِ حَيْثُ تَجِبُ نَفَقَتُهُمَا مَعَ الْقُدْرَةِ عَلَى الْكَسْبِ لِمَا يَلْحَقُهُمَا فِيهِ مِنَ التَّعَبِ وَالنَّصَبِ، وَالْوَلَدُ مَأْمُورٌ بِدَفْعِ الضَّرَرِ عَنْهُمَا، فَيَجِبُ عَلَيْهِ أَنْ يَدْفَعَ عَنْهُمَا ضَرَرَ الِاكْتِسَابِ وَذَلِكَ بِالْإِنْفَاقِ عَلَيْهِمَا
درر الحكام شرح غرر الأحكام (1/ 419)
(وَلِكُلِّ ذِي رَحِمٍ مَحْرَمٍ) عَطْفٌ عَلَى لِأُصُولِهِ، الْفَرْقُ بَيْنَ ذِي الرَّحِمِ وَبَيْنَ الْمَحْرَمِ عُمُومٌ وَخُصُوصٌ مِنْ وَجْهٍ لِصِدْقِهِمَا عَلَى الْبِنْتِ وَالْأُخْتِ وَصِدْقِ الْأَوَّلِ عَلَى بِنْتِ الْعَمِّ دُونَ الثَّانِي لِصِحَّةِ نِكَاحِهَا وَصِدْقِ الثَّانِي عَلَى أُخْتِ الزَّوْجَةِ لِعَدَمِ صِحَّةِ نِكَاحِهَا دُونَ الْأَوَّلِ (صَغِيرٍ، أَوْ أُنْثَى بَالِغَةٍ، أَوْ ذَكَرٍ عَاجِزٍ) بِأَنْ كَانَ زَمِنًا، أَوْ أَعْمَى أَوْ مَجْنُونًا (فُقَرَاءَ) حَالٌ مِنْ الْمَجْمُوعِ حَتَّى لَوْ كَانُوا أَغْنِيَاءَ لَمْ تَجِبْ نَفَقَتُهُمْ عَلَى غَيْرِهِمْ، وَإِنَّمَا وَجَبَتْ لِأَنَّ الصِّلَةَ فِي الْقَرَابَةِ الْقَرِيبَةِ وَاجِبَةٌ دُونَ الْبَعِيدَةِ، وَالْفَاصِلُ أَنْ يَكُونَ ذَا رَحِمٍ مَحْرَمٍ وَقَدْ قَالَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى {وَعَلَى الْوَارِثِ مِثْلُ ذَلِكَ} [البقرة: 233] وَفِي قِرَاءَةِ ابْنِ مَسْعُودٍ - رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ - وَعَلَى الْوَارِثِ ذِي الرَّحِمِ الْمَحْرَمِ مِثْلُ ذَلِكَ وَقِرَاءَتُهُ مَشْهُورَةٌ فَصَارَتْ بِمَنْزِلَةِ الْخَبَرِ الْمَشْهُورِ كَمَا عُرِفَ فِي الْأُصُولِ فَجَازَ تَقْيِيدُ إطْلَاقِ الْكِتَابِ بِهِ، ثُمَّ لَا بُدَّ مِنْ الْحَاجَةِ وَالصِّغَرِ وَالْأُنُوثَةِ وَالزَّمَانَةِ، وَالْعَمَى أَمَارَةُ الْحَاجَةِ لِتَحَقُّقِ الْعَجْزِ فَإِنَّ الْقَادِرَ عَلَى الْكَسْبِ غَنِيٌّ بِكَسْبِهِ بِخِلَافِ الْأَبَوَيْنِ كَمَا سَبَقَ (بِقَدْرِ الْإِرْثِ) مُتَعَلِّقٌ بِيَجِبُ الْمُقَدَّرِ، وَإِنَّمَا اُعْتُبِرَ قَدْرُهُ أَخْذًا مِنْ قَوْله تَعَالَى {وَعَلَى الْوَارِثِ مِثْلُ ذَلِكَ} [البقرة: 233] فَإِنَّ تَرَتُّبَ الْحُكْمِ عَلَى الْوَصْفِ مُشْعِرٌ بِعِلِّيَّتِهِ وَلِأَنَّ الْغُرْمَ بِالْغُنْمِ