Fatwa #4625023 August 2023United States of America
Parents want a university educated wife for me - What do i do?
Question
Assalamualaikum,
Let me preface this question by saying I love my parents and the reason I am happy is my parents. I completed my bachelor's degree Nott op long ago and I secured a job the other day. Alhamdulillah. Talks of brides have also started for my nikah. My father is BIG on girls who have a degree and are educated due to the fact that in America women that work can also help provide money. He also says that it'll be better for my family should an educated women come into the family. Although, I agree that a woman with an education may likely be good at communication, but something does not sit right with me. I base my feelings off of the hadith I have heard repeatedly over the internet. There are four things you can marry a bride for, wealth, lineage, beauty and virtue/deen but among mumin men virtue/deen is the best. When we put and educational filter on girls it very much puts out the impression that in nikah I require a girl who would work in the future. I believe that falls in the wealth category. My primary issue is, I want a wife that has good character and prays regularly etc. I'm a Hafiz by the will of Allah. My dad will make fun of me at times when I pray a little late and tell me that I don't require a pious woman, when I know that's exactly what I want. How do I communicate to my father that virtue/deen is the most important and that's how we should filter the possible brides out with instead of asking of a degree first.
Assalamualaikum
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Brother in Islam,
Your attitude in this matter is extremely commendable. Alhamdulillah, your priorities are in order.
It is unfortunate that many Muslims the world over have begun valuing education over Deen. We understand that education in today’s world is considered to be vital to one’s livelihood, but that is no excuse to discard the Hadith of Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) wherein he said,
تُنْكَحُ الْمَرْأَةُ لِأَرْبَعٍ: لِدِينِهَا، وَجَمَالِهَا، وَمَالِهَا، وَحَسَبِهَا، فَعَلَيْكَ بِذَاتِ الدِّينِ تَرِبَتْ يَدَاكَ
Translation: “Women are married for four things: their wealth, their nobility, their beauty and their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust i.e. you will prosper.”
The above hadith guarantees prosperity for one who marries a religious woman. One must ask oneself, can the advice of Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) ever lead us wrong? Ofcourse not.
You may keep communicating with your father in an amicable manner. You may also seek the assistance of a local Aalim your father is close with. You may also present this fatwa to him.
Most important of all, you should keep imploring Almighty Allah to ease your matters for you.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Bilal Yusuf Pandor
Student Darul Iftaa
Lusaka, Zambia
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
(2020-11-02)