Fatwa #4622226 September 2020Pakistan
Anger management and Controlling the Nafs
Question
Assalamualaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakathu, Mufti Sahab. I'm dealing with a spiritual problem.
My nafs gets angry, impatient, and arrogant when I want to do something good or if I get stuck reading The Quran. In my Salah, I often exhale away this anger when I need to repeat the last Verse of Surah Al-Fatiha if I had gone out of breath in the first try.
I've allowed my nafs to overpower me before by doing different sins. This is why I feel overcome by it.
Sometimes, I fear that my heart might have said what my nafs did. It is a very overpowering arrogance and anger. While reading The Quran, I feel this arrogance and I feel it upon my face.
My question is that how can I get my nafs under my control again so that it doesn't overpower me? And will these feelings from the nafs constitute kufr?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
It is natural for a person to get angry, more so when one tries to oppose the evil dictates of the Nafs. These feeling do not constitute Kufr. Your Iman is intact. However, a strong and intelligent person is he who strives to bring his Nafs under control and doesn’t succumb to the evil dictates of his Nafs.
Nabi Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said:
"ليس الشديد بالصرعة، إنما الشديد الذى يملك نفسه عند الغضب"
Translation: "A strong man is not the one who is good at wrestling, rather a strong man is he who controls himself in a fit of anger." (Bukhari and Muslim)
" الكيس من دان نفسه، وعمل لما بعد الموت ، والعاجز من أتبع نفسه هواها، وتمنى على الله"
Translation: "An intelligent man is the one who supresses his Nafs (i.e. refrains from doing evil deeds) and does such deeds (that will benefit him) after death; and the foolish person is the one who subdues himself to his temptations and desires of his Nafs and puts his hope in Allah (that he will be forgiven)" (Tirmidhi)[i]
The first step in bringing the Nafs under control is linking oneself with a spiritual guide/Sheikh. After identifying a spiritual guide, one should consult with him regularly and follow his advice.
Do not diagnose the spiritual problems yourself and practise on self-prescribed remedies. When the remedies do not work, you will get frustrated. This is similar to a person with a chronic illness who hasn’t consulted an expert in the medical field to help him diagnose the problem and get appropriate medication.
You seem to exhale the anger when you recite Quran, that is not the prescription to overcome the anger and Nafs. Rather, we have been advised to take the following steps to cool the anger:
- Sit or lie down. Sleeping or taking a short nap is also very beneficial in calming down one’s anger.
- Make Wudhu or drink some cold water. It is mentioned in the Hadith:
قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم " إِنَّ الْغَضَبَ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ وَإِنَّ الشَّيْطَانَ خُلِقَ مِنَ النَّارِ وَإِنَّمَا تُطْفَأُ النَّارُ بِالْمَاءِ فَإِذَا غَضِبَ أَحَدُكُمْ فَلْيَتَوَضَّأْ " .
Translation: Nabi Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: Anger comes from Shaitan and Shaitan is created of fire. Only water can extinguish fire; so when one of you becomes angry, he should perform Wudhu. (Sunan Abi Dawud 4784)
- Recite Ta’awuz, i.e. أَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّجِيمِ
You mention that you can feel the arrogance/anger on your face, see the following Hadith:
عَنْ مُعَاذِ بْنِ جَبَلٍ، رضى الله عنه قَالَ اسْتَبَّ رَجُلاَنِ عِنْدَ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم حَتَّى عُرِفَ الْغَضَبُ فِي وَجْهِ أَحَدِهِمَا فَقَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم " إِنِّي لأَعْلَمُ كَلِمَةً لَوْ قَالَهَا لَذَهَبَ غَضَبُهُ أَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّجِيمِ "
Translation: Mu`adh bin Jabal narrates that two men cursed each other in the presence of Nabi Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam until anger could be seen in the face of one of them. So Nabi Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam said: “Verily, I know a statement, that if he were to say it, his anger would vanish. (the statement is:)
أَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّجِيمِ
(A`ūdhu billāhi minash-shaiṭānir-rajīm) ‘I seek refuge in Allah from Shaitan, the rejected”
(Jami` at-Tirmidhi 3452)
One should not forget to constantly make Duaa. Allah Ta’ala is the only One who can save us from the evil of our Nafs. The following Duaas may be read in order to be saved from the evil of the Nafs:
يَا حَيُّ يَا قَيُّومُ بِرَحْمَتِكَ أَسْتَغِيثُ أَصْلِحْ لِي شَأْنِي كُلَّهُ، وَلَا تَكِلْنِي إِلَى نَفْسِي طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ
Translation: Oh Allah, The Ever Living The All Sustaining, I beg You for Your mercy. Correct all my matters and don’t leave me to my Nafs for even a blink of an eye. (Shuabul Imaan)[ii]
اللَّهُمَّ آتِ نَفْسِي تَقْوَاهَا وَزَكِّهَا أَنْتَ خَيْرُ مَنْ زَكَّاهَا أَنْتَ وَلِيُّهَا وَمَوْلاَهَا
Translation: O Allah! Grant my Nafs the sense of piety and purify it as You are the Best One to purify it. You are its Guardian and its Protecting Friend. (Sahih Muslim 2722)[iii]
You may listen to the advice of our Honourable Ustaad, Mufti Ebrahim Desai Saheb on controlling and managing anger here
You may also read the commentary of Qasidah Burdah of our Honarable Ustaad, Mufti Ebrahim Desai Saheb. The second chapter deals with how to avoid the desires of the Nafs. You may also access the audio via the following link: https://daruliftaa.net/qaseeda-burdah/
And Allah Ta’āla Knows best
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai
[i] تحفة الأحوذي (7/ 132)
-2459 حَدَّثَنَا سُفْيَانُ بْنُ وَكِيعٍ قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا عِيسَى بْنُ يُونُسَ، عَنْ أَبِي بَكْرِ بْنِ أَبِي مَرْيَمَ، ح وحَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ قَالَ: أَخْبَرَنَا عَمْرُو بْنُ عَوْنٍ قَالَ: أَخْبَرَنَا ابْنُ المُبَارَكِ، عَنْ أَبِي بَكْرِ بْنِ أَبِي مَرْيَمَ، عَنْ ضَمْرَةَ بْنِ حَبِيبٍ، عَنْ شَدَّادِ بْنِ أَوْسٍ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ، قَالَ: «الكَيِّسُ مَنْ دَانَ نَفْسَهُ وَعَمِلَ لِمَا بَعْدَ المَوْتِ، وَالعَاجِزُ مَنْ أَتْبَعَ نَفْسَهُ هَوَاهَا وَتَمَنَّى عَلَى اللَّهِ» هَذَا حَدِيثٌ حَسَنٌ «.» وَمَعْنَى قَوْلِهِ: مَنْ دَانَ نَفْسَهُ يَقُولُ حَاسَبَ نَفْسَهُ فِي الدُّنْيَا قَبْلَ أَنْ يُحَاسَبَ يَوْمَ القِيَامَةِ " وَيُرْوَى عَنْ عُمَرَ بْنِ الخَطَّابِ، قَالَ: " حَاسِبُوا أَنْفُسَكُمْ قَبْلَ أَنْ تُحَاسَبُوا، وَتَزَيَّنُوا لِلْعَرْضِ الأَكْبَرِ، وَإِنَّمَا يَخِفُّ الحِسَابُ يَوْمَ القِيَامَةِ عَلَى مَنْ حَاسَبَ نَفْسَهُ فِي الدُّنْيَا وَيُرْوَى عَنْ مَيْمُونِ بْنِ مِهْرَانَ، قَالَ: «لَا يَكُونُ العَبْدُ تَقِيًّا حَتَّى يُحَاسِبَ نَفْسَهُ كَمَا يُحَاسِبُ شَرِيكَهُ مِنْ أَيْنَ مَطْعَمُهُ وَمَلْبَسُهُ
قَوْلُهُ (الْكَيِّسُ) أَيِ الْعَاقِلُ الْمُتَبَصِّرُ فِي الْأُمُورِ النَّاظِرُ فِي الْعَوَاقِبِ (مَنْ دَانَ نَفْسَهُ) أَيْ حَاسَبَهَا وَأَذَلَّهَا وَاسْتَعْبَدَهَا وَقَهَرَهَا حَتَّى صَارَتْ مُطِيعَةً مُنْقَادَةً (وَعَمِلَ لِمَا بَعْدَ الْمَوْتِ) قَبْلَ نُزُولِهِ لِيَصِيرَ عَلَى نُورٍ مِنْ رَبِّهِ فَالْمَوْتُ عَاقِبَةُ أَمْرِ الدُّنْيَا فَالْكَيِّسُ مَنْ أَبْصَرَ الْعَاقِبَةَ (وَالْعَاجِزُ) الْمُقَصِّرُ فِي الْأُمُورِ (مَنْ أَتْبَعَ نَفْسَهُ هَوَاهَا) مِنَ الْإِتْبَاعِ أَيْ جَعَلَهَا تَابِعَةً لِهَوَاهَا فَلَمْ يَكُفَّهَا عَنِ الشَّهَوَاتِ وَلَمْ يَمْنَعْهَا عَنْ مُقَارَنَةِ الْمُحَرَّمَاتِ (وَتَمَنَّى عَلَى اللَّهِ) وَفِي الْجَامِعِ الصَّغِيرِ وَتَمَنَّى عَلَى اللَّهِ الْأَمَانِيَّ فَهُوَ مَعَ تَفْرِيطِهِ فِي طَاعَةِ رَبِّهِ وَاتِّبَاعِ شَهَوَاتِهِ لَا يَعْتَذِرُ بَلْ يَتَمَنَّى عَلَى اللَّهِ الْأَمَانِيَّ أَنْ يَعْفُوَ عَنْهُ
قَالَ الطِّيبِيُّ رَحِمَهُ اللَّهُ وَالْعَاجِزُ الَّذِي غَلَبَتْ عَلَيْهِ نَفْسُهُ وَعَمِلَ مَا أَمَرَتْهُ بِهِ نَفْسُهُ فَصَارَ عَاجِزًا لِنَفْسِهِ فَأَتْبَعَ نَفْسَهُ هَوَاهَا وَأَعْطَاهَا مَا اشْتَهَتْهُ قُوبِلَ الْكَيِّسُ بِالْعَاجِزِ وَالْمُقَابِلُ الْحَقِيقِيُّ لِلْكَيِّسِ السَّفِيهُ الرَّأْيِ وَلِلْعَاجِزِ الْقَادِرُ لِيُؤْذِنَ بِأَنَّ الْكَيِّسَ هُوَ الْقَادِرُ وَالْعَاجِزَ هُوَ السَّفِيهُ وَتَمَنَّى عَلَى اللَّهِ أَيْ يُذْنِبُ وَيَتَمَنَّى الْجَنَّةَ مِنْ غَيْرِ الِاسْتِغْفَارِ وَالتَّوْبَةِ
[ii] شعب الإيمان للبيهقي - العلمية (1/ 476)
761 - أخبرنا أبو عبد الرحمن السلمي أنا عبد الرحمن بن محمد بن محبور ثنا زكريا بن يحيى ثنا الحسن بن علي الحلوني ثنا زيد بن حباب ثنا عثمان بن موهب قال : سمعت أنس بن مالك يقول : قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم لفاطمة :
ما يمنعك أن تسمعي ما أوصيك به أن تقولي إذا أصبحت و أمسيت : يا حي يا قيوم برحمتك أستغيث أصلح لي شأني كله و لا تكلني إلى نفسي طرفة عين
[iii] صحيح مسلم 2722
باب التَّعَوُّذِ مِنْ شَرِّ مَا عَمِلَ وَمِنْ شَرِّ مَا لَمْ يَعْمَلْ
حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو بَكْرِ بْنُ أَبِي شَيْبَةَ، وَإِسْحَاقُ بْنُ إِبْرَاهِيمَ، وَمُحَمَّدُ بْنُ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ نُمَيْرٍ، - وَاللَّفْظُ لاِبْنِ نُمَيْرٍ - قَالَ إِسْحَاقُ أَخْبَرَنَا وَقَالَ الآَخَرَانِ، حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو مُعَاوِيَةَ، عَنْ عَاصِمٍ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ الْحَارِثِ، وَعَنْ أَبِي عُثْمَانَ النَّهْدِيِّ، عَنْ زَيْدِ بْنِ أَرْقَمَ، قَالَ لاَ أَقُولُ لَكُمْ إِلاَّ كَمَا كَانَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَقُولُ كَانَ يَقُولُ " اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْعَجْزِ وَالْكَسَلِ وَالْجُبْنِ وَالْبُخْلِ وَالْهَرَمِ وَعَذَابِ الْقَبْرِ اللَّهُمَّ آتِ نَفْسِي تَقْوَاهَا وَزَكِّهَا أَنْتَ خَيْرُ مَنْ زَكَّاهَا أَنْتَ وَلِيُّهَا وَمَوْلاَهَا اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ عِلْمٍ لاَ يَنْفَعُ وَمِنْ قَلْبٍ لاَ يَخْشَعُ وَمِنْ نَفْسٍ لاَ تَشْبَعُ وَمِنْ دَعْوَةٍ لاَ يُسْتَجَابُ لَهَا "