How do i reconcile with my ex wife?

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

It is pleasing to note that Allah Ta’ala has guided you to adhere to the rules of Islam. It is unfortunate that your ex-wife did not co-operate with you at that time. She now realizes her mistake and wishes to reunite with you. She has been truthful and honest to you and confessed about her mistake. She also stated that she committed the wrong due to the depression caused by the separation. Whilst that excuse has no justification in Shariah, her depression is proof of her love and affinity with you.

Our advice is if you did not issue her three divorces, then you should consider re-marrying her. Overlook her mistakes and give her a chance to redirect her life according to Shariah. If she reforms her life and becomes a sincere servant of Allah Ta’ala, you will be rewarded for all the good she does. While you feel possessive and hurt for the wrong she did, her change in life and becoming pious will be a means of great comfort and joy to you.

Allah Ta’ala emphasizes in few verses the act of forgiving. See the following verses:

{الَّذِينَ يُنْفِقُونَ فِي السَّرَّاءِ وَالضَّرَّاءِ وَالْكَاظِمِينَ الْغَيْظَ وَالْعَافِينَ عَنِ النَّاسِ وَاللَّهُ يُحِبُّ الْمُحْسِنِينَ} [آل عمران: 134]

Translation: (The people of Taqwa are) Those who spend in ease and adversity, who swallow their anger and who forgive people. Allah loves those who do good. (Aal-Imraan:134)

{وَلَمَنْ صَبَرَ وَغَفَرَ إِنَّ ذَلِكَ لَمِنْ عَزْمِ الْأُمُورِ} [الشورى: 43]

Translation: Whoever exercises patience and pardons, this is certainly among the most resolute of matters. (Shura: 43)

{وَإِنْ تَعْفُوا وَتَصْفَحُوا وَتَغْفِرُوا فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ غَفُورٌ رَحِيمٌ} [التغابن: 14]

Translation: If you pardon, overlook and forgive, then Allah is certainly Most Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Taghaabun: 14)

Also, contemplate on the following Hadith where Rasullullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wassalam) mentions the virtue of one who is a means of guiding others to Islam:

وَاللَّهِ لَأَنْ يَهْدِيَ اللَّهُ بِهُدَاكَ رَجُلًا وَاحِدًا خَيْرٌ لَكَ مِنْ حُمْرِ النَّعَمِ (سنن ابي داؤد: 3661)

Translation: I swear on Allah, it will be better for you that Allah should give guidance to one man through your work than that you should acquire the red ones among the camels. (Abu Dawud: 3661)

We also advise you to make Istikhara. Istikhara refers to seeking good in any important matter or task. The method of Istikhara can be found in the footnotes.^[i]

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Mahmood Suliman

Student Darul Iftaa
Gaborone, Botswana

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

^[i] Istikhara Salaah is performed as follows:

1. Perform two Rakaats of Salaah.

2. Recite Surah Kafiroon in the first Rakaat and Surah Ikhlaas in the second Rakaat.

3. Thereafter, recite the following Du’aa:

اَللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْتَخِيرُكَ بِعِلْمِكَ، وَأَسْتَقْدِرُكَ بِقُدْرَتِكَ، وَأَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ فَضْلِكَ العَظِيْمِ، فَإِنَّكَ تَقْدِرُ وَلاَ أَقْدِرُ، وَتَعْلَمُ وَلاَ أَعْلَمُ، وَأَنْتَ عَلَّامُ الغُيُوبِ، اَللَّهُمَّ إِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الْأَمْرَ خَيْرٌ لِّيْ فِيْ دِيْنِيْ وَمَعَاشِيْ وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِيْ، فَاقْدُرْهُ لِيْ وَيَسِّرْهُ لِيْ ثُمَّ بَارِكْ لِيْ فِيْهِ، وَإِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الْأَمْرَ شَرٌّ لِّيْ فِيْ دِيْنِيْ وَمَعَاشِيْ وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِيْ، فَاصْرِفْهُ عَنِّيْ وَاصْرِفْنِيْ عَنْهُ، وَاقْدُرْ لِيَ الخَيْرَ حَيْثُ كَانَ ثُمَّ أَرْضِنِيْ بِهِ

“All praises are due to Allāh, the Rabb of the Worlds. Salutations and Greetings be on our leader, Muhammad, his family and all his Companions.

Oh Allāh! I seek from You a decision by virtue of Your Knowledge (of what is best), and I seek from You the ability (to realise my object) by virtue of Your Power, and I ask You (to grant me) from Your Great Bounty, for indeed You have power and I do not have power, and You know and I do not know, and You are the Knower of the Unseen. Oh Allāh! If, according to Your Knowledge, this matter is good for me with regards to my religious affairs, my worldly life and my final outcome (i.e. in the Hereafter), then direct it towards me and ease it for me, thereafter grant me blessing in it. And if, according to Your Knowledge, this matter is evil for me with regards to my religious affairs, my worldly life and my final outcome (i.e. in the Hereafter), then turn it away from me and turn me away from it. And direct towards me that which is good, no matter where it is, thereafter make me pleased with it (i.e. that good.)”

If one cannot perform Istikhara for whatever reason, one should at least recite the Du’aa of Istikhara.

After making Istikhara, one should adopt a decision in accordance to whatever the heart is inclined towards.

It is not necessary that a person sees any dream. One should adopt whatever occurs to the heart after Istikhara. Insha’Allah, there will be Khair and Barakah in that.