Fatwa #448728 June 2020South Africa
My parents do not approve of the man I want to marry, what should I do?
Question
Aslm i love a man and he loves me too. We cannot live without each other and want to make this relationship halaal. His parents are convinced bt my parents are against it bcs he is not very rich. They want me to get married to some wealthy man for which i will never agree. The man i love is very hardworking and honest .My parents knw this too. Bt they are torturing me and boycotted me as well. We have tried all ways to convince them but no avail. We are hanafi. Can i get married to him without my parental consent? Will our nikah be valid?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
You have the right to marry whomever you please. However, your parent’s disapproval of the person you intend to spend the rest of your life with is a huge deal. The reasons that you have mentioned for your parent’s rejection are indeed petty; however, it is the trivial reasons that sometimes lead to significant discord and disagreement. Marriage is between two families, not just you and him. If there is friction between your parents and a future spouse, it will naturally affect you, and your marriage life might become strained because of this. As a result, there is certainly a possibility of you falling short of fulfilling the rights of your parents, and that will be sinful.
Avoid any unnecessary drama. This is certainly an emotional subject, but try not to blow up, have a tantrum or bad mouth your parents. Focus on easing their concerns. Show your parents the respect they deserve, even during this difficult time. Our suggestion would be to convey your disagreement with your parents, politely and calmly once again. Let them know how important a relationship with this person is to you. Let them know how much happier your life will be if they come around. Explain to them all the good characters he possesses, perhaps sides that they have not come to know of yet. Explain to your parents that, would they not prefer to see you happy rather than worry about whether someone is rich or not, especially if he is as hardworking and honest as you have mentioned. Seek the help of local scholars or elders in your extended family to help you discuss the issue with your parents. Be patient with them, make duā’ for them, and explain to them that their blessings are very dear to you, and you want to proceed with their full approval for this marriage. While winning their hearts now will take effort on your part, In shā’ Allāh, the result will be that your marriage will be blessed and full of goodness.
In principle, a mature male and female do not require the approval of their walī (parent/guardian) to get married. Accordingly, a nikāḥ without parental consent will be valid provided all the requirements of a valid nikāḥ are present. However, we advise you to try all means possible to convince your parents before making such a life-changing decision.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Ibn Aḥsan
Student - Darul Iftaa
USA
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
09-09-1441|01-05-2020