Fatwa #437751 February 2020United States of America
My father has hurt me deeply and has pushed me away my whole life - How do i react to him?
Question
asalimualikum my father whom has seperated from my mother and has left 4 childeren behind is going to ummrah with his mother and siblings and would like to speak to me (only daughter ) but my father has hurt me deeply and has pushed me away my whole life i dont know what to do or what to say what is appropiate without being negative or harsh?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
It is extremely difficult to forget the hurtful nature of people towards you. Many a times, we get hurt or pushed away by people whom we love. You mention this with regards to your father. It is admiring to note your intention of not been negative and harsh. This is encouraging. It shows your respect for your father despite what has been done. This is indeed a sign of your maturity and Taqwa.
Just as how important it is to fulfil the rights of one’s parents, the same applies to the children. Every individual deserves their right to be fulfilled. With this been said, if we show kindness to our parents despite the ill treatment of them upon us, this will take a person far in life. Hence, we advise you to speak kindly to your father. Inform him of your feelings. Inform him how hurt you are at the way he has treated you.
You state your father is going for Umrah. Its possible your father has realized the wrongs he has done and is coming to speak to you out of regret and remorse. Mention to him that in future, he should keep up relations with all his children and how much he means to you and your siblings. He is embarking on a spiritual journey, wherein a person sins are expiated. In order for a person to fully benefit from Umrah, a person has to mend all broken relations and visit the Baytul-Allah with a clean and pure heart. He should also change his actions once he returns from Umrah.
We also advise you to contact seniors in the family and seek guidance from them. Also turn to Allah Ta’ala and ask Allah Ta’ala to make the matter easy for you.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mahmood Suliman
Student Darul Iftaa
Gaborone, Botswana
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
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