Fatwa #415220 November 2001United States of America
My future wife goes out alone with other boys should I pull out?
Question
This year I got engaged to a girl. I thought she was a religious girl. I see her around the city with boys and hugging them. I am told by people who go to her school that she only stays with boys. We are not allowed to talk or meet but I hear about her being alone with talking to and meeting boys. She makes a secret effort to see them. I don't keep any girls as friends because I want to keep that special for her but she is not doing the same. I feel she does not care for me the way I do for her and that religiously we are both going in different directions. Should I end this so that we don't get married and have problems? If I do marry her it will not be because of how strong her Islam is but for some other reason.
Answer
We are advised to exercise patience and restraint only if we are faced with%0D%0Asuch a problem that has no apparent solution to it. We are not advised to%0D%0Aenter into a problem. Rasulallah advised us to make dua for aafiyah%0D%0A(goodness). We are also advised not to make dua for Sabr, as that is%0D%0Aindirectly requesting for a problem in order to make sabr.%0D%0A%0D%0AYou are not required to endure patience to the girl you are engaged to if%0D%0Ayou do not want to marry her due to her loose relationship with boys.%0D%0ACompatibility in marriage is of paramount importance. It is the secret%0D%0Abehind a successful and happy marriage. Marriage partners that are not%0D%0Acompatible to one another are often engaged in disputes and more%0D%0Aunfortunately breaking in the marriage. That creates unbearable grief and%0D%0Aagony to the divorce partners as well as many families, friends, and%0D%0Aassociates. You did not state the other reason besides her Islam to marry%0D%0Aher. However, any approach towards%0D%0A%0D%0AMarriage besides Islam and piety is not an ideal one. You should reconsider%0D%0Athat by making Istighfar and seeking the honest guidance of Allah.%0D%0A%0D%0Aand Allah Ta'ala Knows Best%0D%0A%0D%0Afor Mufti Ebrahim Desai%0D%0AFATWA DEPT.%0D%0A