Fatwa #270411 October 2013United Kingdom
Marrying a divorced woman
Question
Can you please explain according to Shariah if i am wrong in wishing to
marry a divorced woman when my parents do not agree to this idea of mine. She has one child.I came in contact with her few months back.
1) She is very religious, more than me and that is what attracted me
towards her. I think if i have a companion like her it will make me a
better muslim and a better person, Inshallah.
2) She is educated and does all the homely stuff what women do in asian
cultures (cook, sew, clean etc)
3) I feel very happy and satisfied with her and on the other hand also
feel very sorry for her that she had to face all the mishaps in her life.
As she got married at a very early age maybe due to social pressure as her
father passed away then.
4) I want to support and encourage her in life and want to have a happy
life with her. As agreed I will also let her meet her son no restrictions
but she is also ready to compromise IF my parents set a condition of not
meeting her son ( i dont want that to happen as i feel that she as a
mother has the right to see her son).
5) I want to perform Nikkah and Marriage in a simply way and do not want
to burden her family for dowry or anything like that which is common in
asian cultures.
Like i said my parents (especially my mother) are against the marriage.
How should I explain it to her so that she agrees with me.
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
The purpose of Nikah is to safeguard one's chastity and attain peace and comfort through Nikah. While performing the Nikah is a noble act, one has to be conscious of many issues related to it. Parents like to see the happiness of their children in the marriage and they take their children`s marriage seriously. When your parents express their concern or even object on your marriage, this is motivated by their love and concern for you. You should therefore strongly consider the objections of your parents before making a decision.[1]
In the enquired case, it is normal for one to be concerned about the divorce and the cause for the divorce. Your parents will have many questions such as: how is the nature of the girl and her temperament? What led to the divorce? etc.
Secondly, getting married to a woman with a child comes with many complications. While the woman may love you and vice-versa, it is possible you may not take well to her child. As such, she will be torn between you and her child. You can`t expect a full marriage with a divided heart.[2]
It may be an idea for your parents to meet up with the girl’s family so they can find out more about the family. That will allow your parent`s to apply their minds carefully and advise you accordingly.
Be open to your parent’s advices and consider them carefully.[3] The advices of parents are motivated by their love and concern for their children.[4] Therefore, have patience and make istikhaara to the Almighty Allah. Verily, the guidance of Allah is the best guidance.[5]
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
AbdulMannan Nizami
Student Darul Iftaa
Chicago, USA
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
www.daruliftaa.net
[1] عن ابن عمر قال: كانت تحتي امرأة أحبها، وكان أبي يكرهها، فأمرني أبي أن أطلقها، فأبيت، فذكرت ذلك للنبي صلى الله عليه وسلم، فقال: يا عبد الله بن عمر، طلق امرأتك [جامع الترمذي و ابو داود، باب في بر الوالدين]
[2] هَلَّا تَزَوَّجْتَ بِكْرًا تُلاَعِبُهَا وَتُلاَعِبُكَ [صحيح البخاري، باب استئذان الرجل الامام]
[3] سألت النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم: أي العمل أحب إلى الله؟ قال: «الصلاة على وقتها» قال: ثم أي؟ قال: «بر الوالدين» [صحيح البخاري، باب قول الله تعالي ووصينا الانسان بوالديه..]
[4] وَاعْبُدُوا اللَّهَ وَلَا تُشْرِكُوا بِهِ شَيْئًا وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا [سورة النساء، ٣٦]
وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ الَّذِي تَسَاءَلُونَ بِهِ وَالْأَرْحَامَ [سورة النساء، ١]
وَالَّذِينَ يَصِلُونَ مَا أَمَرَ اللَّهُ بِهِ أَنْ يُوصَلَ [سورة الرعد، ٢١]
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنْسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حُسْنًا [سورة العنكبوت، ٨]
وَقَضَى رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِنْدَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُلْ لَهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُلْ لَهُمَا قَوْلًاكَرِيمًا وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُلْ رَبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا [سورة الاسراء، ٢٣-٢٤]
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنْسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَى وَهْنٍ وَفِصَالُهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ [سورة لقمان،١٤]
[5] إِنَّ اللَّهَ مَعَ الصَّابِرِينَ [سورة البقرة،١٥٣]
References
- إِنَّ اللَّهَ مَعَ الصَّابِرِينَ [سورة البقرة،١٥٣]