Fatwa #1476330 November 2006India
I am 23 year old Muslim boy and facing the most difficult phase in my life.......
Question
I am 23 year old Muslim boy and facing the most difficult phase in my life.
I don't know how it all started, but since when I was in school, I was attracted towards other boys. I was also attracted towards other older males in my family/relatives/city. Back then I was not a good muslim and also I didn't know that GAYISM has no place in Islam. From last few years, I started practicising Islam and I have found that homosexuality is prohibited in Islam.
I am very depressed now as my family had arranged a girl for my marriage. My concerns are-
1. I am not at all interested in speaking with my fiancee and I am 100% sure that I will not be able to satisfy her sexually. In this situation what shall I do? Shall I still marry her and ruin her life? If not then what shall I do....please help!!!!
2. I cannot admit this to my family, as I am scared that they will be upset. Shall I admit them my condition or follow what they say and ruin the girls life?
3. I am depressed and always think to commit suicide or running away from home. Infact, I would have run away by now, but my family's economical condition won't be any good after I leave. To be honest suicide only seems to be my cure...
.6. Reading Stories from Quran & Hadiths on the issue, only helps me for few days.
I don't know how it all started, but since when I was in school, I was attracted towards other boys. I was also attracted towards other older males in my family/relatives/city. Back then I was not a good muslim and also I didn't know that GAYISM has no place in Islam. From last few years, I started practicising Islam and I have found that homosexuality is prohibited in Islam.
I am very depressed now as my family had arranged a girl for my marriage. My concerns are-
1. I am not at all interested in speaking with my fiancee and I am 100% sure that I will not be able to satisfy her sexually. In this situation what shall I do? Shall I still marry her and ruin her life? If not then what shall I do....please help!!!!
2. I cannot admit this to my family, as I am scared that they will be upset. Shall I admit them my condition or follow what they say and ruin the girls life?
3. I am depressed and always think to commit suicide or running away from home. Infact, I would have run away by now, but my family's economical condition won't be any good after I leave. To be honest suicide only seems to be my cure...
.6. Reading Stories from Quran & Hadiths on the issue, only helps me for few days.
Answer
Your situation is not an unusual one with no remedy. There are many other people with similar or worse problems than yours but have overcome them. For that, two things are necessary, intention and courage. Alhamdulillah, you have good intentions which are spurred by Islam and Imaan in your heart. That must be converted to courage to change and reform. Many people have been successful from useless conditions. There is no point in feeling depressed and suicidal. You won’t be doing any good to yourself. There is an outlet from your present situation. What outlet and remedy will there be for you after suicide. As a believer, you should know suicide is prohibited and such a person will be permanently punished in the way he killed himself. That is worse. Be optimistic and strengthen your intention to change. Turn to Allah and ask him for strength and courage. You will definitely overcome your difficulty with some sacrifice. After a careful study and pondering over your issue, it appears that you do not have feeling towards the girl you are proposed to. That is because you do not have feelings for the opposite gender and you are not attracted to that. Actually, the issue is not that. You are a male. It is a natural instinct and trait for a male to be attracted to the opposite gender. However, that is sometimes clouded due to various reasons. When a person is extremely hungry and hasn’t eaten for days, he will not even glance at the most beautiful and prettiest woman, yet he is a male and has an instinct of attraction to the opposite gender. Now his instinct is suppressed or clouded with another urge. Similarly, many married people lose the attraction to wards their wives or their attention or heart is gripped by another woman. In both situations, the hunger must be removed and the focus towards another woman must also be remedied. In your instance, you did not live with a woman. You are not exposed to the warmth and comfort one derives through her. The reality of this could be understood only through experience, not by hearsay. Your natural instinct and attraction towards woman is suppressed due to you being only exposed to men and being attracted to them. Once you marry and feel and experience a woman, you will have a direct experience of real comfort and peace. Your male instinct will then surface and come to the fore. It is only then you will realise the folly of being attracted to men. That is now dominating the condition of your heart as your heart is empty and void of the experience of being with a woman.
Once you experience a woman, and got used to her, that will take the full place of your heart. Don’t be afraid and proceed with your intentions to marry.
We also advise you to get in touch with a saintly person and benefit from his company and spirituality.
It is the company of the pious that will assist in removing the evil effects of the attraction of men from ones heart. It is simply put a sickness and disease like any sickness. It needs cure. The heat of Imaan emitting from the hearts of Allah Walah will burn out that dirt. For that we suggest you get in touch with Hazrath Mufti Ahmed Khanpuri Saheb of Dabhel, Gujarat , and seek permission to stay in his company for a few days. You will benefit tremendously Inshallah.
And Allah Ta'ala knows best
Mufti Ebrahim Desai