Fatwa #1449725 August 2006United States of America
Please give me advice on marriage. Is marriage Haram on me?
Question
Please give me advice on marriage. Is marriage Haram on me?
Asslam walaikum, I fell in love with a woman 10 years ago. I proposed but she refused. I never got over my desires for her. I have been asking Allah for help in removing thoughts and desires of her for last 10 years. Alhamdulilah, I think about her much less. Unfortunately, I am not very attracted to women and I don't want to marry. The experience has left me hurt very deeply. I know the Prophet (S) said that marriage is half of one's faith and people who don't marry are not from his ummah. I want to do all I can in this life to go to Janatul Firdos and achieve the highest station I can, Inshallah. If marriage will help me get closer to Allah I will do it. But I don't know how fair is on the woman. I don't think I can love or have any deep feelings for anyone. I don't think I can satisfy her desires and scared that I wouldn't be able to satisfy all my responsibilities to her.
Answer
Your question is not clear. You do not want to marry as you fear being unfair to the woman you marry. Is this because of your thought for the other woman or because of not being able to fulfil your marital responsibilities?
If your fear is because of your thought of the other woman, then that is probably because you do not have an overpowering thought against that woman. It is possible that another woman may fulfil that role and the wading thought of the other woman will disappear completely. Your fear for not being able to fulfil your marital responsibilities is no excuse not to marry. You will have to live up to your responsibilities and sacrifice. You say you want Jannatul Firdaws. Rasulullah [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, ‘The price of Jannah is dear.’ You will have to pay the price for Jannah and fulfil your marital obligations to the best of your ability.
and Allah Ta'ala Knows Best
Mufti Ebrahim Desai