Fatwa #1407017 March 2006Canada
Can a man think of another woman while having intercourse with his wife?
Question
Can a man think of another woman while having intercourse with his wife?
I was wondering if it is allowed for the husband to think about another woman while he is having intercourse with his wife. The prophet (pbuh) said: ‘If any one of you is attracted to and likes a woman, he should go back to his wife and have intercourse with her, because this will rid him of whatever affected him.’” (Saheeh Muslim, no. 1403) So it seems that Rasulullah allowed having intercourse with the wife while thinking about another woman to whom the husband got attracted. Also, it is impossible to eliminate those thoughts of attraction. For instance, if one sees a woman on the street and gets affected, and he comes to his wife to fulfil his desire, it is obvious that the thoughts of that stranger woman will come into his mind while he is having intercourse with his spouse. So if it is haraam to entertain sexual thoughts about stranger woman even when one is having pleasure with his wife, how can we possibly eliminate such thoughts? Keep in mind that this gets complicated while living in a mixed society. We are bound to meet stranger women on streets and shopping malls and it would be impossible for one to save him from having such thoughts. Jazak Allah khair.
Answer
The hadith in reference does in no way advocate the permissibility of looking at another woman. The correct meaning of the hadith is that if unintentionally you perhaps look at a woman and become attracted to her, then to avoid becoming embroiled in thinking of her beauty, think and ponder that this woman in no way is different to my wife. She has the same feminine features that my wife has. Therefore, instead of indulging in haraam and fulfill my desires, I rather do so in a halaal and chaste manner. According to Shariah, it is haraam to think about other women while being intimate with ones spouse. It is for this reason Allah commands in the Quraan "Tell the believing men to lower their gazes and protect their chastity" (Surah An Noor). Rasulullah (Salalaahu Alayhi Wasallam) said, "The eyes commit Zina (fornication/adultery), the Zina of the eyes is looking at strange women.
In order to avoid thoughts of strange women, it is important that you reduce your contact with them, either by talking, mixing or even looking. It is also an act of immodesty that you use your lawful wife to fulfil your desires but fantasise and adore other strange woman. You should immediately rectify your self and consult with reliable Ulama who are pious and upright. Frequent the gatherings of the Ulama and pious people and seek their advice. This will assist you in being saved from many haraam actions and various other evils.
And Allah Knows Best
Mufti Ebrahim Desai