Fatwa #106048 January 2004United States of America
I am feeling a lot of dispair in my marriage! I noticed that my husband is in love with another woman.
Question
I noticed that my husband is in love with another woman. He says he loves me and not her but his actions prove otherwise. He tends to be around this person and actually disregards me when I tell him that I don't like to be there. In other words he will choose to be at her family's house than be with me. I have loved and supported him in so many ways . I have done so much in this marriage that it really hurts, for I also feel quite used. I don't feel much love for him, yet I am respecting him as a wife should, for the sake of Allah(TA). However, It has come to the point were I don't like him to touch me! Please advise me on how I can get rid of these feelings. I will still respect him for he is the father of my children but it really hurts to be around him. I do pray tahjud and ask Allah to take the pain from my heart but it still hurts knowing how my husband feels, even if he is nice to me. Please pray for me and send me a duaa that I may recite to help me from this sadness in my heart.
Answer
We regret the details of your question. May Allah Ta?ala grant you courage, Aameen.%0D%0A%0D%0AIt is natural for you to have a negative feeling towards your husband as his actions contradict his claims of love for you. According to the Shari?ah, it is Haraam (prohibited) for your husband to be around another woman who is a Ghayr Mahram (not prohibited in marriage). His association with her and her family will breathe doubt and suspicion in any one?s mind. We suggest you express to your husband your inner most feelings about his attitude and conduct. %0D%0A%0D%0AIt will not help for you to be silent and not express your feelings to him. Also discuss the Islamic aspect of his association with the woman and the harms of it. Would you leave your husband if he takes poison that will lead to his death? Similarly, his illegal association with another woman is death to his spirituality. That is extremely dangerous. He will become immune to everything un-Islamic and that will not bother him. You need to apply pressure on him and stop him from the wrong for your happiness as well as his Islamic well being.%0D%0A%0D%0AIt may also assist for you to discuss the issue with the local Imaam and request him to discuss the issue in the Musjid during the Friday Khutbah. Literature on the subject matter is also available and you may also present that to him. We make Du?aa to Allah that He grant you strength and courage and grant your husband the realisation of his wrong and give him the ability to change. We advise you recite ?Yaa Wadoodu? as much as possible.%0D%0A%0D%0Aand Allah Ta'ala Knows Best%0D%0A%0D%0AMufti Ebrahim Desai