If a husband is wanting him and his wife to have oral sex and anal sex said that he wants it and would go elsewhere, what should she do?

Your husband is most probably aware, or you may have already told him that oral and anal sex are not allowed by Sharia. Allah Ta'ala is very clear on this and your husband cannot make up his own rules to suit his unacceptable desires. He is also creating stress in your relationship by making this demand as it places you in a position of feeling that you are not satisfying him. You also know that it is not acceptable according to Islam so he is asking you to go against Sharia.I suggest that you go along with your husband (or send him on his own) to a learned elder or aleem who will explain and clearly point out to him that Allah Ta'ala has not meant human beings to have sex through any other cavity other than through the vaginal cavity.There are also medical risks involved in having sex through the anus as it is not anatomically structured nor lubricated like the vagina to receive a penis. Bleeding often occurs and infections are grossly increased through entry into the anus. Aesthetically, you may also find oral sex repulsive and this is not condusive to your mental health if you are forced to undergo this act.

Your husband has to take your feelings and desires into consideration always when it comes to sexual matters. It is not only his desires which need to be fulfilled. If he decides to go elsewhere to fulfill his perverted desire, then you should not take responsibility for his actions. He alone will be answerable to Allah, it will not be your fault as you are not expected to obey your husband when he makes a request against Shariah. 

Be proactive and seek counselling so that your husband can become more alert to the social, medical and spiritual dangers of his untoward desires. Please make dua for yourself and your husband. Turn you home into a 'mini' madrassa so that both of you can benefit from taleem and practice of Allah Ta'ala's commandments. It is when we make the small moves towards Allah Ta'ala's commandments to earn His pleasure that he will remove these type of fitna away from our homes and our lives. May Allah Ta'ala grant your husband hidayah and guide him to the right path. 

And Allah Ta'ala Knows Best,

Checked and Approved by,

Mufti Ebrahim Desai